When I cannot commit suicide, I feel the urge to do so, because I am a prisoner; but when I become capable of committing suicide, the desire to do so fades, because I am then free to do it.
When I cannot commit suicide, I feel the urge to do so, because I am a prisoner; but when I become capable of committing suicide, the desire to do so fades, because I am then free to do it.
― Atrona Grizel
People think that
because I constantly criticize humanity, I dislike humans. In fact, I love
them—but humans are rare; most are thorny weeds disguised as humans.
― Atrona
Grizel
I want to go outside
only to obtain “supplies.” There is no entertainment, because my entertainment
is already to lock myself in my room all day, writing, bending reality as I
wish, becoming my own god. If great minds spent their time in bars and parties,
they would gain social acceptance, but they would also lose their greatness as
if that were the price, because such types rarely waste their lives in such
vulgar places.
― Atrona
Grizel
My solitude is, of course, full, because it carries my identity. The more I withdraw from my external life, the closer I approach myself, and I realize that my life is actually here. Solitude, for me, is not a state or a threshold, not a temporary triviality that others occasionally endure during bad periods and then overcome. It is my kingdom, and within the walls of this kingdom, I am willing to be imprisoned.
― Atrona
Grizel
I cannot express
my thoughts in a place like school, because when I say that society is a
machine that prevents thought by imposing constant movement and noise, or that
the universe will halt its irreversible expansion and begin to shrink, turning
everything that once existed into nothingness, and so on—behind me, on the
classroom bulletin board, hang empty, clichéd optimistic slogans like “follow
your goals,” “turn your dreams into reality,” “never give up,” “you can do it.”
This already reveals what that environment is for and what kinds of creatures
it is filled with, because the mere presence of such a board, and the fact that
no one objects to it, shows that no one there can understand even a fragment of
what I am saying. Their minds have been careerized; this kind of monkey
collective can only comprehend civilizational decay or cosmic pessimism through
the fetish of “success” and “progress.”
― Atrona
Grizel
Biology does not
reward those who create original philosophy, write emotional poetry, or
construct complex theorems; it rewards those who are accepted in social groups,
have regular sex and reproduce, and spend an entire lifetime chasing momentary
pleasures and empty entertainment.
― Atrona
Grizel
When someone says
“your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them,” it is
obvious what they mean by “dreams”: entirely practical, concrete things like
getting a job, buying a house and a car. I have not a single dream of that
kind, and although in childhood, due to cultural pressure, I was forced to
imagine such things to some extent, I never grounded my identity in them, and
therefore I never actually possessed the kind of “dreams” society calls dreams.
What did I imagine instead? Flying fish, swimming dogs, walking trees, talking
plants, a sky that changes color every day, and a chaotic solar system in which
planets constantly change places and orbits yet never shatter or disappear. No
matter how much I “chase my dreams,” it is obvious these will not happen in the
physical world, because genuine imagination lies beyond “realizability.”
― Atrona
Grizel