I possess not calmness but solidity under pressure.

 I possess not calmness but solidity under pressure. For the sake of that solidity, I trigger an inner panic, and thus, in a state akin to mobilization, my entire inner world seems as if it’s trying to hold me up with its hands—because if it withdrew, I would instantly collapse. Still, I remain standing. If I had stayed calm in battle, I would have already fallen, for I would not have seen it as something to fight.