I am by no means a stranger to wild and disturbing thoughts.

 I am by no means a stranger to wild and disturbing thoughts. By richly imagining theft, smuggling, torture, and death—taking great pleasure in those imaginings for exacting my revenge on the world—I kept myself going. But I never turned those fantasies into action, nor do I appear likely to. Because when I gain the freedom to do them, the desire I feel to do them fades.