Writing should come from pain, and reading should also cause pain.
Writing should come from pain, and reading should also cause pain.
―
Atrona Grizel
Deep souls are
not found in art galleries or libraries but in abandoned structures and remote
places at the edges of civilization, because what creates art and depth is not
social buildings but desolate landscapes.
―
Atrona Grizel
I never say
“everything will be okay,” because it rarely is. But I can absolutely say, “I
will always be with you.” At first glance this, like the former phrase, may
sound childishly unrealistic, but when I say it, I genuinely mean what I say.
Because even if I could separate from that person physically, I would continue
to live inside them spiritually. No force can split open the inside of a soul,
especially if that person knows how to defend their essence. Besides, I do not
say this to just anyone. If I say it to someone, it is because I sense in them
a stubborn inner world resistant to external invasion, and therefore this
promise of “always staying together” ends up becoming true on its own. And… if
I will always stay with that person, then everything will be okay.
―
Atrona Grizel
Even before my
school life had ended, I felt the need to retire, because my soul was already
in its sixties.
―
Atrona Grizel
Each aphorism I
write is a trap set for the enemy in war, and those who do not know what they
are will fall into those traps.
―
Atrona Grizel
People explain
how they use their social media with the seriousness of governing a state,
because they have never been in a relationship with someone who would simply
laugh at these things and move on.
―
Atrona Grizel
Cannibalism, when
viewed from a certain angle, is the deepest expression of love: can there be a
bond deeper than devouring the one you love, incorporating them into your very
essence, and thus becoming whole with them until death? This is love in its
most radical form, and precisely for this reason it is seen as “savagery.” Of
course, I am not going to cook the people I love in an oven, put them on a
plate, and try to eat them, but thinking this is not forbidden either.
Theoretically speaking, it involves a profound spiritual unification, and it is
something that has been practiced in many rituals in the past and is even still
practiced today.
―
Atrona Grizel
A person who
becomes “thinking” by consuming “thought-provoking” content, that is, by
reading books, watching films, or playing video games that “trigger thought,”
will stop “thinking” once they stop consuming them, because their entire “world
of thought” has become dependent on and addicted to them. Since they do not
think on their own, and since without the quotations and emphases found in the
content they consume no ideas even occur to them, nothing comes to mind
naturally. Of course, some thoughts will still come to them, but because these
are not sincere, that is, because their source is not internal, they are
ineffective and therefore temporary. And it is impossible to force a mind that
does not produce thoughts on its own to think. One either thinks independently
or doesn’t think at all.
―
Atrona Grizel
If I had not
declared myself a god, my end would have been numbing and annihilating myself,
because I was not raised with the comfort of choosing the middle ground. You
know drug addicts: they get high and forget all their troubles, and because
this gives them pleasure, they become addicted to it and reach the point of
completely denying themselves. Even Buddhists can be likened to such types in a
sense, because they too want to become free by erasing their essence. But it
seems to me that they can cling to this because they have tasted the luxury of
being able to abandon themselves. Because if I had abandoned myself on the
battlefield, I would have died long ago, since there was no one else, and
therefore killing myself, the only person there, would have meant everyone’s
death and thus, everything’s end.
―
Atrona Grizel
A person must
know how to defend themselves even against their family. Because every family
devours, either with love and attention or with pressure and expectation, but
it devours nonetheless, and this is precisely why things like “family values,”
“family honor,” or “resembling the family” exist.
―
Atrona Grizel
I get hungry, I
go outside, I shop, I come back, I cook, and I eat. Then I get hungry again,
get food again, and eat again. How long is this supposed to go on? I am not
obliged to keep feeding this body. Let them separate my essence from it, that
would be enough. I am not going to deal with this. If food were placed in front
of me, I could eat, but since there is no such servant, I am forced to feed
myself every time, and I see this, that is, actively submitting to my own
biology, as an insult to myself. Sometimes I even fantasize about going to
prison just for this reason, because at least there there is food without
effort.
―
Atrona Grizel
Dirty sexual
desires exist even in a pure person like me, because I explored them almost
mercilessly, without much shame or hesitation. And at the end of that
exploration I learned this: they are not “dirty” at all, and therefore they are
not a threat to my “purity.” Because they are more like adaptations in which
emotions are directed by the body. For example, those who have constantly
suppressed their sexuality take pleasure in fantasies of being raped, while
those who are excessively sexual take pleasure in not being able to possess
someone they desire sexually. Because unexpressed emotions push them in this
direction. Yet even these are rarely expressed due to fear, so they mostly
remain hidden. Because societies imprisoned sexuality within social taboos by
viewing it as something filthy, and the only thing that emerged was a concealed
dissatisfaction and the deeper deviations it created. Because once those
feelings surface, they do not disappear; they only change form.
―
Atrona Grizel
Perhaps people
have panic attacks just to add a bit of color to the boredom of life. After
all, the only thing that can break monotony is a touch of madness.
―
Atrona Grizel
When art leaves
private studio cells and moves into galleries and museums, it ceases to be
aesthetic and becomes “public property,” that is, an object that begs to be
looked at. In fact, the very phrase “art for society” is fundamentally wrong,
because art and society are not things that can be reconciled with each other.
Art that serves society is like pouring heaps of diamonds into a bottomless
abyss in the hope that it will overflow and shine brilliantly. It is futile.
The abyss will swallow the diamonds, because it does not care about diamonds at
all. That is how societies are. And… who are they, really? That child here,
that old man there, the man beside me, the woman behind me. That is, everyone.
―
Atrona Grizel
In a world where
those who live outside normative patterns are labeled “mad,” where those who
refuse to anchor their identity to consensus and behave unusually are
ridiculed, where people who feel deeply are rendered dependent on
antidepressants under the name of “emotional regulation,” where paintings that
step outside tradition are dismissed as “scribbles,” where the slightest
expression of loneliness or unease is sensed as “abnormality,” where writings
never before seen are branded “taboo” and censored, where anyone who thinks
even slightly differently is immediately confined to a mental institution,
artists who make art for society are mad not because society calls them mad,
but because they still believe in the society that calls them mad.
―
Atrona Grizel
Only the “mad”
live outside patterns; therefore, only the “mad” are creative.
―
Atrona Grizel
Dreamers seeing
themselves as “dreamers” is itself a dream, because there is nothing more real
than living inside one’s own dreams. Yet for some reason, even they, adhering
to society’s perception of reality, seriously call their dreams “dreams.” That
is, even they quietly carry within themselves the majority’s view known as
“reality.” But what is real is their dreams. What is a dream is society’s
reality, because there is no reality within society.
―
Atrona Grizel
I do not feel
safe anywhere humans exist. That is why, for example, I cannot eat when I am
among people. Even when a bite passes down my throat, I feel “defenseless,” as
if it were something extremely vulnerable. They must not see that I am a being
who eats like them, otherwise I would be “exposed.” So even if the tray is in
front of me, my appetite disappears, and I feel the need to constantly observe
my surroundings on alert, as if searching for a threat. This causes me to
become increasingly alienated both from my body and from my environment. If I
were to encounter people described as “good,” I would still see them as wolves
in sheep’s clothing, because such a person does not exist for me. The only type
of human that can be “good” is babies and children; the rest is a landfill to
be avoided, because as consciousness increases, so does filth.
― Atrona Grizel