There is nothing as illogical as logic.
There is nothing as illogical as logic.
―
Atrona Grizel
No one’s
judgments turn into an inner judge unless the person internalizes them. Those
who should be judged are only external judges.
―
Atrona Grizel
I have always
found it absurd, even oppressive, that families can give names to their
children, because a child will carry that name for their entire life simply
because of a single word chosen by someone else. Yet that word does not belong
to the child at all; it represents the family’s values. In other words, when a
baby is born, the name given is not truly a name but a judgmental label. I
liked my name in my pre-adolescent years, when I was social, but as I began to
distance myself from society and move toward constructing my own values, I
started to find this name inadequate and even restrictive, and I emotionally
abandoned it. Not because it is ugly or weak, but because it is socially
contaminated. It speaks of history, nationality, tradition, language, and
region, all of which I refuse to let define me. I invented a new name for
myself by scattering the letters of my given name into it, but in such a way
that it could never resemble the original, only evoke it. This name resembles
that of a Greek god, like Zeus or Athena, because I truly am one: a god who
gives himself his own name. But at the same time, an unreachable god, not
because he wears a mask, but because he is entirely abstract. I do not want to
be addressed by this name because it is entirely symbolic, and it is beautiful
precisely because it is purely mystic and mythic. It should not be brought down
into everyday life, because that would be an insult to such a lofty name.
Addressing someone with such a constructed name brings internet diction to
mind: “How are you, SupremeDestroyer69?” This is not only nonsense but also
actively repulsive. They can address me by my given social name, the
bureaucratic label that appears on state documents, and they should do so. But
they should not think of this name as “my name,” because it does not express me
in any way, as long as a name is something given to me by others rather than
something I give to myself.
―
Atrona Grizel
In the digital
world, lying, in other words maintaining an image, is essentially impossible,
because everything is recorded somewhere, one way or another. If you are
secretly watching the profile of the person you claim you have completely cut
ties with, your internet protocol address will appear in some way while viewing
that page. If it were not for “privacy violations” being the only thing
preventing such information from being revealed, many relationships would
collapse instantly, because they are all built on lies.
―
Atrona Grizel
When I feel
disappointment in love, I feel a secret sense of relief. Because there still
exists a force that can change me from top to bottom. The tight embrace of
someone who understands me could obliterate my entire worldview right there.
This means that, despite everything about me, there is still something I am
bound to. In other words, I am still reachable by something. The peak of
captivity is to receive love and grow accustomed to it—or rather, to experience
all pleasant things and thus become so used to them that their effects are
nullified. For such a person, no key remains anymore, because nothing is
effective for them anymore. If I had been loved, I too would have grown numb to
love over time and thus would not be patiently waiting for something with a
hope so skillfully hidden even from myself.
―
Atrona Grizel
During the
pandemic period in 2020, a lockdown had been declared. I opened my window, and
the first thing I noticed was… complete silence. No traffic noise, no honking,
no shouting. The noise pollution had vanished because the people who caused it
had been forbidden from going outside. People have to grow accustomed to noise
in order to live within it, and that’s why, the moment it disappears, there’s a
sense of confusion; such silence is something no one is used to. Because of
this, it became a surreal memory for me, making me feel as if I were in a
dystopian novel set in an alternative future, but in a decidedly good way. I
wish such lockdowns could occur once every week as default.
―
Atrona Grizel
Everything is
forbidden at school. Not simply because of rules, but out of envy. Let’s say I
bring a computer there—others who see it will want the same, and since I cannot
be granted special treatment, it is not the rule itself that makes this
impossible, but the social impossibility it creates. If everyone were allowed
to bring a computer, they would, and then no one would remain to listen to the
lessons. Ironically, the only thing that can make students focus on lessons is
pressure and restriction, because in their natural state they are not
interested in such boring subjects. Thus, the purpose of education is not to
“enlighten the mind” or anything of the sort; it must focus on a single
essential thing, if possible: not to transfer knowledge to students, but to
instill in them the desire to acquire it.
―
Atrona Grizel
Why would I kill
myself? Because suicide is labeled a “disorder.” If it is condemned by the
majority, that only proves it must, in some way, be right.
―
Atrona Grizel
People who are in
need of reason—and beyond that, deliberately invent a “why”—will remain
prisoners of their own invention.
―
Atrona Grizel
The “influencers”
modern people follow dictate their speech, their beliefs, their desires, and
their actions. They play a game or watch a movie, copying the actions and words
of the characters, then cloak it with the phrase “taking inspiration.” They
copy the terms and trends they see on social media into their dialogues and
relationships with others, and they call this “personality.” The result is a
fiasco—an experiment in supposedly creating an identity by assembling bits and
pieces from here and there instead of from inside.
―
Atrona Grizel
I would rather
die from lack of oxygen on the highest peaks of the mountain than drown in the
sea.
―
Atrona Grizel
I can gaze at the
same map with admiration for years, and every month I can discover a new
detail.
―
Atrona Grizel
Everything I feel
must take shape—either as a poem or as an aphorism. I do not know how to simply
mourn.
―
Atrona Grizel
There are two
kinds of silent people: the “shy” ones are those who still remain, deep down,
tethered to society and its values; and the exiles are those who have dissected
all societal filth and retreated into their inner world, which stands as the
final refuge.
―
Atrona Grizel
I feel a lot of
admiration, passion, celebration, and awe, but I don’t think I can respect,
worship, miss, or love anymore.
―
Atrona Grizel
When lucid people
are among others, or even while doing seemingly casual things such as watching
a film, playing a game, reading a book, or listening to a song, society sends
armies against them in an attempt at colonization, and this siege continues
relentlessly until they retreat back into their solitude.
―
Atrona Grizel
“Successes”
estrange a person from their essence, while “failures” integrate a person with
themselves. For only then does the person see themselves clearly: stark naked.
―
Atrona Grizel
A person should
know how to say, “This is not the treatment I deserve.” Without shame. Without
hesitation. Looking straight into the other’s eyes without a flinch, almost
defiantly. Even if the matter is not a question of “deserving” as such, one
should remain acutely aware of one’s own worth—especially when everyone else
has dissolved into selflessness—and never even attempt to trade that worth for
the value anyone else offers.
―
Atrona Grizel
Everywhere, there
is an endless effort to create a certain and confined type of human being—a
uniform entity. Someone with the exact same characteristics, such as
“compatible and ethical,” “outgoing and confident,” “modern and intelligent.”
All such people are, approximately, repeated copies of a single entity. The
same entity, produced billions of times from photocopy, is occupying every
space on Earth.
―
Atrona Grizel
I have
transcended my body.
I evacuated my
soul from civilization.
I passed into
another dimension and settled there.
I abandoned the
world for the sake of galaxies and became one with the universe—my universe.
―
Atrona Grizel
I am by no means
a stranger to wild and disturbing thoughts. By richly imagining theft,
smuggling, torture, and death—taking great pleasure in those imaginings for exacting
my revenge on the world—I kept myself going. But I never turned those fantasies
into action, nor do I appear likely to. Because when I gain the freedom to do
them, the desire I feel to do them fades.
―
Atrona Grizel
Stop suffocating
“problems” with “solutions.” Let them breathe a little.
―
Atrona Grizel
How did I realize
I had spiritually become an adult? When nothing anyone said about me could
pierce me anymore—because the more I came to know myself, the less their words
mattered.
― Atrona Grizel