There is no deity other than the individual.
There is no deity other than the individual.
―
Atrona Grizel
Why did even the
most famous people in the past have only a few well-known photographs, for
example, in the 1800s? Because photographs were rare and expensive back then,
and therefore they had high value. You could not have your photo taken morning
and night in those days, because there wasn’t even the technology nor the money
for it. And precisely for this reason, photographs from that era can leave such
a powerful and nostalgic impression. Today, by contrast, pressing a single
button is enough to take a photo. This is not convenience but simplicity and
cheapness, because everything has been made easy. Everything is now possible,
and as a result, nothing has any nobility left.
―
Atrona Grizel
Anything that
asks the person to disbelieve their own perception must be disqualified
immediately, whether it is morality or religion.
―
Atrona Grizel
My lack of love
comes from loving too much.
―
Atrona Grizel
The mind is not
reflecting the world; the world is a reflection of the mind. The external world
should be a mere raw material to be processed by the inner world.
―
Atrona Grizel
People do not
ask, “Am I authentic?” or “Is this coherent?” Instead, they ask, “What will
they think?” or “Will this be accepted?” Thus, identity becomes an empty
mirror. Those who do not internalize this machinery appear dangerous, arrogant,
or mad. In reality, they are simply ungovernable.
―
Atrona Grizel
At first, a
person laments, “Why am I not like everyone else?” Later, they find a partner,
and together they ask, “Why are we not like everyone else?”
―
Atrona Grizel
The Soviet Union
collapsed because it rejected integration, since “integration” in reality meant
assimilation, and existing in an assimilated form was more humiliating than
being destroyed while holding on to one’s own values.
―
Atrona Grizel
I’m so alone that
when a few people know me, I count myself as famous.
―
Atrona Grizel
In relationships
where sex is not an ornament but the destination, everything is arranged to
seduce the other. If a person knows something, that knowledge is deployed
erotically. Then, in order to keep this erotism “alive,” desire is rendered
indirect through “calculated refusal,” and this maneuver of performance is
renamed “flirting.” Soon, interests are added to the mix. Literature and
philosophy, of all things, are reduced to instruments, mere props for the
mutual magnetism of animals. Someone says, “Be my wildest poem,” and with that
sentence even poetry is insulted. The other says, “I see the locked universe
behind your eyes; open it for me,” and with that saying even thought itself is
humiliated. Eventually, the affair ends as it began: bodies grappling in a bed,
followed by separation, empty-handed. I know the type who go to cafés, sit
there doing nothing, and hope that someone of the opposite sex will come over
and “start” something. Both sides are there solely to have sex. Deep down, that
is the only thing they feel and think about. But during the stage called
“flirting,” they postpone this under the guise of what they call “the formality
of strangers,” and they label it the “getting to know the other person” phase.
I find people who attempt to build relationships through this coy, chirping
performance fundamentally hypocritical. Not because they desire sex, but
because they pretend they are capable of ignoring or procrastinating it. They
are not. Yet they act as if sexuality were incidental, an accidental byproduct
rather than the axis around which everything quietly rotates. Their gestures
simulate innocence while their intentions are meticulously directional. What is
most corrosive here is not lust itself but its camouflage. Desire, instead of
being acknowledged and disciplined, is outsourced to the culture of “picking
chicks up.” Poetry is asked to do the dirty work of the body. Philosophy is
conscripted to flatter appetite. Language is hollowed out so instinct can pass
as depth. This is not romance; it is primitive predation wearing a noble
costume.
―
Atrona Grizel
What should make
a person think is how easily fools are able to form relationships. Why are
intelligent people mostly alone? Why is there an archetype called the “solitary
genius”? Because as depth increases, sociability decreases. Solitude is the
honorary badge of noble minds for “outstanding achievement.”
―
Atrona Grizel
I was only in my 10s when I had already figured out how the world works.
According to this, the social world consisted of groups surrounded by rigid yet
invisible walls. Some types are fond of dangerous pursuits like gambling and
alcohol and end up in prison; some are addicted to pleasure and entertainment
and do nothing but live day to day; some are irritable because they are
dissatisfied and try to take revenge on others for it; some turn into
workaholics who dedicate their lives to their careers and neglect their
families; some define themselves entirely through romantic attachment and
collapse the moment they are alone; some obsess over morality as a performance,
policing others to avoid examining themselves; some hide their fear of death
behind routines so rigid they resemble rituals, and so on. But what is certain
is this: all of their fates can be predicted, because they are very mechanical.
Since in the early stages of my adolescence I had only just begun to observe
these dynamics, I was not aware of the social game, and naturally I wanted
everyone to understand me, and when they did not, I was saddened. As the years passed,
I learned that most people are simply completely irrelevant to me. Not even in
a tragic sense, but as if we were created for entirely different worlds, and
because of that, even being in contact with each other is actually wrong.
Through this, I gained the ability to ignore people, because everyone began to
fall into categories that had settled in my mind as a result of my
observations, and none of them fit my category, because I was not even in a
category. This justified my alienation, because being social is simply a fact
that is structurally not even possible for me.
―
Atrona Grizel
When I entered
adolescence, I witnessed how the pure and innocent beings of childhood turned
into sex-obsessed “tough guys” who stub out one cigarette only to light another,
and I never felt any trust in this, since nearly all of them are useless
hedonists. In this way, I fundamentally exited the typical human chronology,
that is, the “adult social world,” or rather, I never even entered it at all.
―
Atrona Grizel
When liberal institutions try to liberate everything, they cease to be liberal
and become totalitarian.
―
Atrona Grizel
The main weapon
of religions is not obedience, because at its root lies something even more
fundamental: fear. In every major “holy” book it is written that God possesses
“absolute power” and therefore can do “anything,” which also means that He will
“punish” those who do not believe in Him. And so, these so-called “holy” books,
which are essentially science-fiction novels, gather followers around
themselves. When I was a child, fear was planted inside me too: the fear of
hell. This was, of course, something inherited from tradition, and even without
active indoctrination, because of the conservative and reactionary society one
lives in, a child inevitably begins to feel this way. I believed in it until I
even acquired the ability to question on my own. Then, when adolescence came, I
began to revolt against God as well. At first I was very afraid, because it
felt as though I was doing something forbidden and as though I were the only
one doing it. But then I saw and fully internalized that absolutely nothing
happened. I eliminated the last remaining crumbs of fear of God within me, and
thus, by completely expelling Him from my inner world, I stopped feeling shame
or guilt for any of my emotions, thoughts, and actions. That is how I became
the owner of myself. In the past, religion’s moral values governed me; now my
own moral values govern me. And the truth is this: there is no hell after
death, because before death there already is a hell: being thrown into such a
bigoted world that made me experience all this before I even had the chance to
begin existing on my own terms. I can imagine how I look in their eyes now: “a
monument of arrogance,” “a disgrace,” “shameless,” “immoral,” and so on. The
irony is that the ones who say these things not only believe in but also
actively defend and spread as “enlightenment” the superstitious notion that
drinking water while standing or while eating is harmful, as if the human body
were a rickety machine barely functioning and ready to collapse from a single
swallow. If you are internally free and sovereign, you cannot explain anything
to these people, because they are all slaves of invisible chains.
―
Atrona Grizel
I saw beauty; the
others simply saw slicked hair, full lips, and an attractive body. When I
realized that even my tiniest pimple was an element taken into account by these
types, I began to feel disgust at being seen by people at all, and I felt the
urge to surround my body with a one-sided opaque glass. Because even when they
look at a face, the only thing they see is millions of tiny “defective” parts
waiting to be “fixed” with botox.
―
Atrona Grizel
If I suddenly became a high-status emperor, I would condemn everyone around me to starvation, because I do not care about them at all. They would do the same. That is, if they came into that imperial position, they would immediately push me aside and leave me to starve, because they do not care about me either. Yet I am kept within such a mechanism that I have to see them every day. Beyond that, I am bound for a lifetime to some people purely because of blood ties. That is, purely because of “formal obligation.
― Atrona Grizel
Why do adults forget how to dream? Because in order to
adapt to the world, one must become accustomed to disappointment. The world is
not arranged in the way most people would choose, yet everyone is forced to
live within it. I suppose very few people truly want to work in their natural
state, but if they do not work, they cannot sustain themselves, and for this
reason alone they keep working without pause. Would there be students who came
to school if it weren’t compulsory? No. Would anyone go to work if people could
make a living without working? No. If people could meet their needs without
going outside, how many would go to markets? No one. Everyone moves because
movement is mandatory, not because it is genuine. The world moves only because
it is obligated to move.
―
Atrona Grizel
Those who change their gender because of their sexual identity do not reach
heaven by doing so, because they are seeking happiness in sexuality. This is a
disgrace marketed under the guise of “human rights,” because a person should
not be this dependent, not even on sexuality. One should be able to live
without it. But because sexuality is excessively visible and everywhere in the
modern world, they cannot endure this and end up hating their bodies. I, too,
am disgusted by my body, but this does not stem from my sexual identity; it
stems from my human identity, and even so, I do not resort to suicide, which is
the only solution to this, because feeling that way does not mean I must act
that way. I simply exist in a body I do not love, because I do not even need to
love it anyway.
― Atrona Grizel