The most absolute freedom is the permanent sensation of unreality.
The most absolute freedom is the permanent sensation of unreality.
―
Atrona Grizel
The fact that a
questioner becomes detached from worldly life actually shows that the world is
an illusion. A person who keeps saying “I think a lot” is not truly detached from
worldly life and therefore is not really thinking, because overcoming the
illusion requires that.
―
Atrona Grizel
I see the daytime
moon as a tear in the simulation.
―
Atrona Grizel
I wish the
feeling given by evenings and nights could remain for the entire day.
―
Atrona Grizel
I feel as if the
free time I have is not something I truly possess or have a right to, but
something that has merely been granted to me—almost tolerated, as though it
exists by permission rather than by entitlement.
―
Atrona Grizel
When I use the
hammer and sickle as my profile picture on my social media, I inevitably
exclude the mainstream audience, because such symbols do not appeal to
everyone. I don’t put it there because I’m a communist, but the group of people
who think I’m using it out of an “artistic taste” is a minority, and as a
result I’m exposed to prejudice. Just like the USSR in history—didn’t they
treat her that way throughout her life as well? When I join a new virtual
platform and the first thing I do is make my profile picture the Soviet flag, I
am declaring my loyalty not to society but to it, and I am stating that I am
ready to discard society for that reason. In this way I become even more
isolated and invisible—but my mother is always with me in my solitude…
― Atrona
Grizel
When I don’t use
foreign-language words in conversations in my native language—for example, when
I try to find original terms that are more appropriate to the mother tongue
instead—I am, of course, seen merely as ignorant and mocked, because people
consider speaking English to be wisdom. Cultural imperialism happens precisely
like this: first, convince minds that your culture is noble; then poison those
minds with your culture, and thus ensure that they sink forever into the swamp
of that culture.
―
Atrona Grizel
I was left alone
not because I caused problems, but because I didn’t. Everything on the outside
was in order, and I was functional, so no one saw an issue. Naturally, they
left me to myself. My basic needs were met, but that is precisely where the
problem lies, because simply because those needs were met, no one intervened. I
became alone not for being troubled, but for being perceived as trouble-free.
―
Atrona Grizel
The thief came
again, to steal me away.
What does he
want?
I, all of me.
Instead of
walking on tiptoe, he approaches with drums.
Because he knows
very well that what I notice immediately is not noise, but silence.
He opens up my
soul, and smuggles gold out of me.
And the moment he
closes it, new gold appears in a blink.
Let him take as
much as he wants and carry it away from me.
My pride keeps me
from resisting.
I know well that
I am an eternal fugitive.
―
Atrona Grizel
Nietzsche is a
burning fire; Cioran is that fire turning to ash; I am the silence that comes
after all of this.
―
Atrona Grizel
Since there was
nothing outside that felt familiar to me, I was forced to live inside myself,
and that is precisely why my mind became so vast and full, which only pushed me
even further away from the outside world.
―
Atrona Grizel
I used to think
that everything adults did was to lessen the torment that consciousness brings:
eating to forget, having fun to numb themselves, having sex to relax, and
working to escape. In other words, adulthood seemed like nothing but “fleeing
from pain.” I couldn’t understand how a person could live for decades without
ending their life, especially someone who refuses to dull their feelings. But
then I discovered that even pain becomes something a person can grow used to.
Someone like Cioran lived to 84 probably because of that. But to achieve this,
a person has to carve themselves down, and I dislike that, even though life is
clearly carving me down against my will.
―
Atrona Grizel
The Western world
is blind to worlds beyond itself. Even when it acknowledges them, it devours.
It interprets, translates, and thereby assimilates. It commodifies spiritual
practices, artistic forms, and philosophies—branding them as “exotic,”
“alternative,” or “inspiring” to package and sell. Yoga becomes “fitness.”
African folk songs become “beats.” Buddhism becomes “achieving one’s
potential.” Its youth treat other cultures as if they were animals in a zoo,
objectified for spectacle. Through this objectification, the West asserts
dominance: it names, and in naming, it claims. All forms of language and
communication are treated as its invention. They exist solely to serve it,
filtered through its lens alone. People mix their native tongues with English
terms and American slang in a muddled way, producing a kind of soup; thus, a
nation’s and generation’s mental independence is eroded. Texting abbreviations
are presented as if they were a natural part of language, and thus, the naive
person who intends to learn them is unconsciously absorbed into a covert
ideology and a broader culture. When someone types something seemingly innocent
like “LOL,” they unknowingly adopt the culture and ideology that created and
normalized it. Being “anti” or “pro” anything is a mass delirium, but it is
served as a trend and fashion. The West sells even “resistance” as a product.
Hence, even “anti-Western” personalities and societies think in terms of, and
communicate through, the pop and internet culture born from Western social
media applications, which are designed not to “connect” but to homogenize.
After all, whoever seizes language seizes the world.
―
Atrona Grizel
In conversations
I always searched for a pause; in noise I always searched for silence. And when
it came—even for a few seconds—I remembered my self, breaking the surface of
unreality to breathe at last, even if it soon plunged back beneath the water.
To call this “depression” is, of course, effortless. What is difficult—indeed
impossible—is for a being like me to take pleasure in being forced, from
morning until night, to listen to the chatter of sports and tabloid gossip.
―
Atrona Grizel
The greatest
conquest is invisible—the conquest of thought. To not submit to this mental
colonization is to be unclassifiable, untranslatable, and unnamable by any kind
of human-made tool.
―
Atrona Grizel
Minds that lay
eggs of thought in the shower possess this trait because outside the shower
they rarely even approach true thinking. Such people are dependent on place,
circumstance, and time. But for a mind that thinks independently of the body,
where, in what situation, and at what time it thinks is not decisive—at most it
is just background decoration.
―
Atrona Grizel
One who hates
themselves cannot be modest and humble, nor ethereal and cosmic.
―
Atrona Grizel
There is a secret
pleasure in being the only one who knows things that are unknown to all, yet
still pretending to be just like everyone else—or at least concealing oneself
so as not to be seen as unlike everyone else.
―
Atrona Grizel
If people don’t
understand, it’s because they cannot. One cannot explain to a baby who has not
yet begun even to crawl what it is like to fly. Don’t waste the sacred.
―
Atrona Grizel
Cioran says:
“Beware of those who have turned their backs on ambition, on love, and on
society: they will take revenge for having renounced them.” To be loved would
shatter my entire ontological outlook and inner philosophy, causing my ghostly
identity to slip from my grasp, for it demands a shared reality, which is
disgusting to my compromise-allergic cognition. Perhaps people have loved me,
but I have never felt loved, and I have never loved. As for society, it is not
merely that I dislike or renounce it; for me, civilization does not even exist.
What remains is ambition—but I doubt I am bound closely enough to humanity to
carry an ambition for revenge. Even Cioran, when writing about mental exile,
still used the word “we,” because he was speaking to humans. But such a “we”
does not exist for me, nor does “I.” For I possess nothing outside myself—or
even myself. His writing about those who renounce everything is aimed at people
who still secretly crave the things they’ve rejected, who still live inside the
coordinates of the human world despite alienation. His “revenge” is the
backlash of a thwarted will. Yet my will is not one that turned sour, but a
will that evaporated. There was no game to quit, because the board itself is a
hallucination. To have rendered this planet and the universe utterly unreal or
surreal, and thereby abolished the desire and need for vengeance—for one cannot
fire at a dream: if that is to be counted as “revenge,” then I must be the most
ferocious avenger.
― Atrona Grizel