The greatest problem is the need for a “solution.”
The greatest problem is the need for a “solution."
― Atrona Grizel
If a person is selective in
relationships, that selectiveness will gradually reinforce itself. Because for
someone who already forms bonds with very few people, entering a relationship
with someone who already has many relationships is destructive: that person
distributes everything to everyone, but for the solitary person, that one
individual becomes everyone. And therefore, even the smallest detail that the
other does not care about becomes catastrophic. Moreover, there is this: most
relationships require games. You keep others around you to say, “Look, I could
have been with them too.” You spend time with the opposite sex simply to
provoke jealousy, to say, “I could have loved others as well.” You close
yourself off from that person and open yourself only to others just to say,
“Know my value, because I can go to them.” The solitary person, however, will
not be able to play these kinds of games, because they have no one. And this,
in fact, is the reason their solitude becomes permanent. Because even if rare
people exist in theory, in practice almost no one can sustain relationships
that do not require games. And even when it is claimed that they exist, they
are merely “games that have been stripped of their appearance as games.” In the
end, they too are chess boards.
―
Atrona Grizel
I never warmed up
to relationships being conducted over social media. I always found it
repulsive. Inside me there was always a voice saying, “no matter what, this
isn’t right.” I was exposed to a youth poisoned by Western pop culture, where
every conversation is made up of measuring a person’s worth by their follower
count on digital platforms, making “personality analyses” from profile
pictures, and turning whether a message was seen or left unanswered into
grounds for arguments. This culture, which trades love for love-games and
consumes the entire adolescence of a generation, makes me feel the urge to
disappear whenever I see someone my age, because I can already sense who they
are even before I know themselves. My dreams of writing letters could not go
unpunished. Even letters are in their hands now: digitalized sources of
dopamine. With one click it is easy to make a “pen pal.” What is impossible in
such a world is not instinct and pleasure reigning, but insight and art. What
greets the person instead is a degenerate humanity, guardian of a cesspool that
takes insight for instinct and art for pleasure.
―
Atrona Grizel
For someone who
doesn’t need to live because they can live without life, all human pursuits are
just childish games. The person is alive, but they no longer “need” to be
“alive” like the others do, because they have reached a point where they
possess a sense of absolute independence, even from life itself. This actually
shows that all love and desires are purely based on addiction, because someone
who has perfectly learned to live without them would never enter into any human
relationship. In fact, a god doesn’t live because it does not need to. There
would be neither humanism nor romanticism if humans were self-sufficient
enough. Life is simply a film dictated by those who are dependent on it.
―
Atrona Grizel
I listen to music
constantly. If I don’t have to go outside, I do so nonstop from morning until
night, sometimes for more than ten hours. Do I get bored? No. How could I ever
get bored of music? I can’t. They aren’t people, after all. I can listen to the
same track enthusiastically all day long, yet even if millions of people come
together, they fail to interest me. Unfortunately, there comes a moment when
I’m forced to take off my headphones, and the colorful melodies are replaced by
people’s gray chatter and laughter. Not everyone has to be a singer, but I
don’t have to endure this assault on my ears either.
―
Atrona Grizel
I believe that
personalities don’t actually exist—only reactions do. Here’s what I mean:
someone labeled “introverted” might have been “extroverted” instead, had they
been born into a world so fascinating, so irresistibly engaging to them, that
their inner world became the outer one. There’s also this: if a human lived not
100 but 1,000 years, would anything like a “personality” still remain? This
suggests that what is called “personality” actually exists across infinite
time—but since humans can only experience a narrow slice of it, they mistake
that fragment for reality and give it the name “personality.” In that case,
what does that label even signify? Merely a human being’s subjective response
to the single possibility they happened to fall into, out of millions.
―
Atrona Grizel
I take full
authorship of this myself, denying the world any claim over meaning.
Consequently, I dictate reality rather than express opinion. That is, I do not
say, “I think this is true,” but rather, “This is true.”
―
Atrona Grizel
People say,
“accept things as they are.” To do that I would have to give up my imagination.
In other words, give up myself. Because this seemingly “virtuous” sentence is
actually suggesting me to abandon my visions, blunt my ideals, and live inside
the dull geometry of what already exists. But I will not kill the only thing I
have—my dreams. If I see things not as they are at their best but as they
actually are, why should I keep staying in the world at all?
―
Atrona Grizel
A person who
works relentlessly toward a goal, putting their whole being into it, is
indirectly showing that they are addicted to that goal. This is, in fact,
exactly what is called “motivation”: the inability to live without goals.
―
Atrona Grizel
Reputation is the
enemy of pride.
―
Atrona Grizel
If shame, grudge,
hatred, sorrow, and all other “condemned” feelings were removed, only one thing
would remain: hunger.
―
Atrona Grizel
Depth is not
connected to knowledge; in fact, it is incompatible with the concept of
“knowing.”
―
Atrona Grizel
To believe in
someone means to be deceived by them. This may be unpleasant, but it also may
be pleasant.
―
Atrona Grizel
If society lived
according to their very beloved saying, “the world is transient,” it would
eliminate itself.
―
Atrona Grizel
Every rise is a
fall, and every fall is a rise.
―
Atrona Grizel
Everyone is in
every situation necessarily both right and wrong.
―
Atrona Grizel
In a world where
no one really cares about anyone, someone who expresses that they care more
about themselves than others will, of course, always be an “egoist.”
―
Atrona Grizel
To be loved by
people means to speak to fools and for fools.
―
Atrona Grizel
The people who
cry out, “Raise your voice!” are not truly farsighted. For their inner feelings
still depend on, and remain bound to, the transformation of that “unfair”
external order they dislike. Even their very act of fighting exposes their
dependence on this very thing they claim to despise. Their outer world governs
their inner world like a master over a slave, and the inner world answers with
this plea: “Be a more humane tyrant!” Unable to sever themselves from it, they
go on lamenting and demanding a “positive change” in this tyrant instead of
abolishing it altogether. This is merely a veiled confession: “I desperately
need to be enslaved.” In the end, however, resilience always triumphs over
resistance.
―
Atrona Grizel
The sense of
transience and insignificance, born from recalling the vastness of the
universe, can be something to struggle against. Accepting this aspect of
existence and yet still wandering with unshakable pride and arrogance is not
merely ignorance, but a sign of creativity and resilience. For the person has,
despite their physical dimensions, brought the entire universe to its knees
emotionally and mentally. Through imagination, intellect, and perception, a
soul can impose their own existence on broader existence, internalizing it in
such a way that they can celebrate themselves to the fullest while being fully
aware of the universe’s indifference.
―
Atrona Grizel
When I suffer,
the first thing I think is, “I wish I could make others suffer.” It’s like
packaging the pain that was given to me and posting it to others. Like covertly
exploiting their happiness and transferring it to myself. But not
externally—internally. My darkest thoughts appear here and I never hesitate to
deliberately fan them, because I don’t ask others what I should or shouldn’t do
inside my own mind. I do not “heal”; I sharpen my wounds into blades. Thus, by
taking a silent revenge on people, I grant a little more fuel to myself that
will make me functional. I secretly exploit their suffering for the sake of my
own continuity, and the rest does not concern me. I am not merely fantasizing
“evil” for pleasure; I am engineering survival with whatever tools I have, and
it doesn’t matter if it’s “indiscriminate.”
― Atrona Grizel