Solitude is a narcotic; once one grows accustomed to it, quitting becomes difficult.
Solitude is a narcotic; once one grows accustomed to it, quitting becomes difficult.
―
Atrona Grizel
A decent
dictatorship is superior to a perfect democracy.
― Atrona Grizel
I live only in order to survive, and this only shows that my survival has no importance. I am a mere accident that kept breathing.
―
Atrona Grizel
A person is not
obliged to resemble the people they share a space with. If they do resemble
them, it only points to the absence of an identity rooted within, because
someone who is truly themselves will remain themselves no matter where they are
or who they are with.
―
Atrona Grizel
My room is my
cathedral, falsely accused of being a “cave.”
―
Atrona Grizel
On social media
applications, there are phrases like “be part of the fun” or “watch what you’ve
been through this year.” When I compare these with people’s inability to live
without their phones because they fear they are “missing something,” with their
anxiety that not truly living might be worse than dying, and with the way they
justify pleasure and entertainment by saying, “I only come to this world once;
I will never be this age again,” I see that all of it comes from the same
mentality. One of the cultural sayings automatically thrown at me whenever I
refuse to join some “bombastic event” is: “You should appreciate this age
because you’ll never live it again.” Yet what they don’t know is that I exist
completely outside the notion of age, and that I can be satisfied even without
concrete memories. This means that someone can exist outside the ritual of
“experiences,” and this is precisely what terrifies them, because they are
dependent on the crowd. They call their view “common sense,” yet I see only the
same decayed pattern repeating both online and offline. It is a machinery that
everyone else treats as if it were weather. This reveals how social media
platforms exploit and amplify this perception for profit. As long as people
continue to hold these thoughts, they will remain under the influence of
advertisements, benefiting only the companies that exploit their anxieties
about “being part of life” and “living life to the fullest,” not the
individuals themselves. These platforms preach spontaneity while engineering
compulsion. They package existential dread as a notification. And people defend
it as “normal,” because once a cage is decorated with enough bright colours,
they convince themselves it is a pink playground.
―
Atrona Grizel
Society is a
cluster of people forcibly held together by weak ties.
―
Atrona Grizel
The profession of
journalists is not reporting events but creating them.
―
Atrona Grizel
When I look at my
writing style from afar, I sometimes think I am a volcano spitting ice.
―
Atrona Grizel
A boring job is
unbearable because expectations are attached to it, not because it is unloved.
―
Atrona Grizel
Human beings,
like in video games, are cards that determine their own quality: common,
uncommon, rare, epic, and legendary.
―
Atrona Grizel
In educational
institutions, philosophy is always taught as something systematic, and lazy
minds that absorb the outside world as it is eventually come to believe this.
Yet any systematic philosophy, no matter how innovative it appears, is trapped
in tradition and therefore turns into gibberish. The point of attending
mainstream philosophical schools is not to absorb what is taught there but to
walk out saying the exact opposite of whatever they say. That is independent
thought and therefore philosophy, while the former is mere bureaucratic
training.
―
Atrona Grizel
I cannot picture
myself ending my life by suffocation with gas or water, by hanging, by a
gunshot, or by stepping in front of a vehicle. None of those scenarios take
shape in my mind. What returns, persistently and almost exclusively, is a
single image: releasing myself from a great height, somewhere entirely empty of
people. The fixation is nearly fetishistic. The method feels non-negotiable, as
if it must be a fall. This is because it presents itself, paradoxically, as the
most liberating form of confinement: the sensation of weightlessness, of moving
freely, like a bird. It feels free because it is the only motion in which the
body stops working. Walking, swimming, hanging, and even breathing require
ongoing labor, but simply releasing oneself from a cliff’s edge does not. The
body becomes irrelevant, as it already feels irrelevant. Falling is spatial,
not violent. It frames the act as movement through space rather than injury to
a body. The mind is not picturing harm but departure, driven by intense
abstraction to the point of depersonalization. This means that even in that
moment, I am not attacking my body but my environment. I have never truly hated
myself; I have always felt the hatred of the world directed at me. A fall is
framed internally as withdrawal rather than violence, which suggests an absence
of internalized self-hatred and the presence, instead, of “other-hate.” In this
way, it preserves a sense of authorship over meaning.
―
Atrona Grizel
Those who are
silent because they do not make noise and those who are silent because they
cannot make noise are different, and when the latter pass beyond the “phase of
silence,” they usually reveal themselves rather quickly.
―
Atrona Grizel
The human being
is something not to be dissolved, improved, or surpassed, but something to be
abandoned.
―
Atrona Grizel
I admire those
who are outwardly lazy but inwardly diligent. That is, not some fat idler who
spends the entire day in a neglected room on a filthy couch covered with food
scraps, eating fast food and playing computer games, but the contemplative
hermits who, because of their philosophical views, renounce society’s values by
adopting a nomadic or “parasitic” lifestyle and turn toward the inner world. Opposition
to work is noble when it serves as a foundation for turning away from the
pursuits civilization offers and embraces toward more authentic and higher
pursuits, but if this is absent, it often functions merely as a justification
for laziness.
―
Atrona Grizel
I walk into a
shop. At that moment a command goes to the staff’s brains, and they
automatically approach me, look at my face, and smile, expecting me to perceive
their smile as an actual “smile.” I do not even make eye contact, because
having been disregarded all my life, I have developed a deep sensitivity to
society’s insensitivity, and I know well that even these people who look
directly at me do not actually see me. So I just leave silently, without
reacting. They will not remember it anyway, because perhaps hundreds of
different people enter that place every day, and of course they will not
remember all of them, because those people are ordinary to them. Yet with these
fake smiles they aim to make the customer feel “special.” Since I am aware of
this hypocrisy, this technique does not work on me. Those who live within
society carry the illusion that society cares because of the effect of their
social relationships, and thus they are more vulnerable to this technique.
Beyond that, they consider it “politeness” and respond with a smile. It is like
two people who do not care about each other pretending that they care and
calling that caring. For someone completely alone, such treatment that
implicitly says, “We’re glad you came,” is nothing but a pure comedy.
―
Atrona Grizel
Someone who runs
and expects me to run after them will never see me again.
―
Atrona Grizel
I am so happy
that sometimes I fear this happiness will not fit into this lifetime. The thing
that gives me happiness is already death itself, because I will never be myself
again, even though I am deeply attached to myself. I do not want to be
separated from myself. Even while being tortured, I feel pleasure simply
because I am still in this body, because there is a kind of magic in being
myself, and I am its wizard. I carry within me a deep conviction that I am “too
precious to die,” yet I also know that death has listened to no one.
―
Atrona Grizel
To be able to
become a passive nihilist, my mind would have to be like a straight road that
never swerves left or right. But I do not say “nothing exists”; I say “nothing
exists except the inner world.” In other words, where nihilism stops, I see not
a destination but a station, and I do not stop; I move on. I am not even a
pessimist, because my pessimism is not directed toward existence but toward
civilization. Even if I am physically hopeless, I believe that metaphysically I
am hopeful despite everything. I see sanctity in everything, and I will not
pretend not to see it. In addition, I do not think I can be defined as a
“misanthrope,” because my harsh criticisms of humanity are not the outbursts of
someone embittered by bad experiences but the remaining artifacts of a wounded
idealism. I still believe in beauty, and my rejection of everything collective
stems from wanting to prevent the filth I see everywhere from dragging me into
its own dirty web.
―
Atrona Grizel
People tell
someone getting a tattoo, thinking it is polite, “I hope you will be happy.”
Yet why is their happiness dependent on the marks a pen leaves on their skin?
No one thinks about this, and even if they do, they surrender, because this is
what society’s “beauty standards” have become. Objecting to “body fetishism”
requires strength, because it demands enough inner power to risk being “ugly.”
― Atrona Grizel