Rare people rarely advertise themselves.
Rare people rarely advertise themselves.
―
Atrona Grizel
Sometimes I take
part in social events and spaces voluntarily, not to belong to groups but to
leak into them to get to know them more closely and thus denounce them more
harshly by exposing their rot even more clearly.
―
Atrona Grizel
I do not deny
meaning; I ration it.
―
Atrona Grizel
I see myself not
as a human being—and even thinking of myself that way makes me feel trapped,
because I equate being human with being small—but as a romantic hero: a deeply
introspective figure who disregards social norms, melancholically yet proudly
wanders at the margins of society, and places themself at the center of the
universe like a novelistic archetype. In short: I am living art. When I view
myself this way, I feel an immense distance from my own existence, as if my
life were someone else’s novel and I were reading it from somewhere outside.
What I need isn’t to love myself but to witness myself, the way I burn with the
desire to watch a shooting star. There is even a touch of alienation in it, because
I feel and think not that I am the shooting star, but that I am the one
watching it. While watching myself, I’m swept up in this intense excitement,
wondering, “What will he do next?” and “What will happen to him next?” Even my
smallest movement inspires a kind of vast admiration, because there is a spell
that pulls me in by distancing me from myself. Yet it is a sweet kind of
alienation, an “artistic distance.”
―
Atrona Grizel
People think I
haven’t committed murder—that I am “innocent.” But they do not know that, in my
mind, I have already killed everyone with the most painful tortures. The
metaphysical murders I committed eliminated everyone, so whether I kill them
physically or not no longer matters. My body is governed by the state. Yet in
my mind, no human-made law or morality holds sway. It is a slaughterhouse
there, or a grinding machine that destroys everything. To be one’s only owner:
this is what it means anyway.
―
Atrona Grizel
My thoughts do
not suffocate me; on the contrary, not thinking suffocates me. Because unlike
others, I breathe not in comfort but in confrontation. That is how I survive
such a restless mind. An average mind feels overwhelmed and falls into
exhaustion after making one or two abstractions, whereas my mind is not only “different”
but structurally designed to pierce the surface in any situation and wander
purely in the depths. Naturally, I have mastery over my inner world, but the
price is an immense intolerance toward the shallowness of society. This trait
sets me apart from that classic neurotic outsider type who suffocates in his or
her own inner world and envies the outer world. Because my alienation does not
come from “inferiority” but from superiority, or rather from being excessively
transcendent.
―
Atrona Grizel
When human
influence is removed, nature immediately begins to renew itself, and when
people return, it reverts to its former state. I am the same way. The purpose
of human existence seems to be to disturb me. They intrude upon me; I drive
them away and thus return to my happiness. Then they come again, and again I
repel them—each time reinforcing my vow to inner contentment.
―
Atrona Grizel
Humans had no
“authority” to reject my omnipotence, which means to go against God, because
doing so would be equivalent to opposing God, and everyone can, but no one is
able to oppose God—me.
―
Atrona Grizel
Sometimes, I feel
happiness merely from eating; the act of existing itself becomes a source of
joy. In that shrinking of the self, I rise.
―
Atrona Grizel
The source of life
is not the Sun, but the Moon.
―
Atrona Grizel
I realized that I
haven’t dreamed for a long time. Did they abandon me? Or am I now living inside
them?
―
Atrona Grizel
They ask me, “Why
are you making such a big deal out of such a small thing?” Because I know this:
the very thing that makes minds open and vulnerable to external conquest and
colonization is precisely their not “making things big.” One should elevate
their enemy so that they themselves may also rise. But if there is no enemy, if
the person is not “making it a big deal,” then there is nothing to elevate.
This means that even if a person’s body reaches fifty, their mind remains that
of a fifteen-year-old.
―
Atrona Grizel
A person who is
obsessed with conveying what they have learned to others is often taking their
own perspective as the perspective of the whole world.
―
Atrona Grizel
Since my
childhood I have held the view that the abundance of works and deeds has made
them so worthless. It seems to me that everything has been written, everything
has been composed, and everything has been drawn. There are too many humans.
Sometimes I feel as if I am suffocating because of this. They are the only
thing that makes my existence “unnecessary.” It is as if, under the guise of
“progress,” they have left nothing new to be done. But it is always more
difficult for a civilization that is already “advanced” to “advance” further.
―
Atrona Grizel
When morning
broke, I found my drawer ajar.
All it once held
had been poured into nothingness.
It was a thief,
perhaps.
Within remained a
single note: “For you.”
―
Atrona Grizel
When I get
through a day I feel as if I’ve accomplished something, because I have managed
to survive. A single curiosity fills me and keeps me going: “What will happen
if I continue like this?”
―
Atrona Grizel
I once held a
conversation with a forgotten tree, its roots tangled in secrets older than
language itself. It spoke not in words, but in the slow decay of bark and the
whisper of falling leaves.
―
Atrona Grizel
The generations
have been shaped—and continue to be shaped—by the notion that adulthood is defined
by having sex, using drugs, and swearing. Because they are afraid. Afraid that
the wretchedness inside them might seep outward. To curse, to make love, or to
get high—these offer them something the “kids” cannot reach: the delusion of
being “mature.”
―
Atrona Grizel
No one is
responsible for anything, and it cannot be held otherwise. Yet, how could life
exist if it were not a court where the innocent are regularly accused?
―
Atrona Grizel
To gain a single
real person, thousands of fake ones must be lost.
―
Atrona Grizel
Lock a person in
a cell. For years. If they emerge not as “transformed” but merely as “mad,”
they lack the inner capacity to behold and extract the void of existence. Such
a person is, by nature, unfit to construct a cathedral without gods.
―
Atrona Grizel
I can form
relationships with people only as long as I can lower myself to their level. My
intimacy is measured by my ability to overlook superficiality. After all,
eagles live alone.
―
Atrona Grizel
To be a “book
lover” can drive a person into a peculiar kind of ignorance: the ignorance of
the well-read.
―
Atrona Grizel
A person either
learns trust or does not, and this settles into their worldview. The one who
carries the feeling of trust outward assumes the society as legitimate in the
subconscious, and thus, at the slightest mishap, seeks the “problem” not in the
world but in themselves. Because it is, of course, easier to say, “The storm is
inside me,” than to admit the “storm” is everywhere. Yet for the one who has
never acquired trust, this is the sole reality: everything is already rotten at
its foundation. Since distrust brings questioning, and questioning leads to
clarity, it is more likely for those who have not acquired trust to become
deeper philosophical and artistic individuals. In the end, those who have
merged into society—not necessarily physically, but mentally—gradually lose
themselves more and more within it, while those who have developed a self apart
from it become, with each passing day, even more unreachable.
― Atrona
Grizel
Whenever I see
someone physically attractive, I think of it as a consequence of the capitalist
culture; I immediately categorize them as “the other,” and thus I see the
beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful.
― Atrona Grizel