Perfection means death, because every living being is flawed.
Perfection means death, because every living being is flawed.
―
Atrona Grizel
Thinking is not
an “action”; it is an art, or at least it should be.
―
Atrona Grize
Even those
philosophers known as recluses had a circle of friends. I, however, have
literally no one. Zero.
―
Atrona Grizel
I cannot listen
to music in public because in order to truly listen to it, I would have to stop
pretending and express myself as I actually am. I become ecstatic when
listening to music, and it is obvious that I cannot express that ecstasy among
people. Since it is impossible for me to listen to music stiff as a statue, I
cannot walk around the streets with headphones either. If people disappeared, I
would roam around. But even then, I would always think that someone was watching
me, because I would not be able to trust that they were truly gone, and this,
in fact, would cause me to constantly scan myself and consciously restrain my
movements, simply because I am in a place that is designed, in its essence, to
be filled with people, even if I were alone. If people disappeared, the first
thing I would do would be to happily go out into the street, run from place to
place, jump, burst into laughter, and lie down on the ground with music in my
ears, because in my natural state, I am as happy as a child.
―
Atrona Grizel
There is no rule
that someone who cannot remedy themselves cannot be a remedy for others. A
person who cannot manage themselves might be that way because they are
self-sacrificing; in other words, they might be able to manage others in place
of themselves.
―
Atrona Grizel
If I were forced
into a narrow mold like an ideology, it would probably be “authoritarian
individualism.” For I burn and destroy everything on my way, and I do it within
a perfect order. While typical anarchists want only chaos, what I want is an
absolute authority whose function is to continuously create chaos. That is, an
iron will that relentlessly destroys societal values. Authoritarianism and
individualism may seem contradictory to someone reading this for the first
time, but in fact they are not at all. The whole issue is what is meant by
this. By autocracy, I do not mean the political system applied to societies; I
mean the structure of the individual’s inner world. That is: only the person has
the right to speak and determine, and this is absolute and indisputable.
―
Atrona Grizel
For writers who
still use exclamation marks, their pens are pacifiers. When I encounter that
sign in writing, I see only one thing: experienced inexperience. Because while
a period signals determination, an exclamation mark resembles the shriek of a
baby. But of course, society loves shrieking, not calmness.
―
Atrona Grizel
It is impossible
for me to hide everything, because my secrecy will always remain exposed; people
may not be able to read me, but they can read that I am unreadable.
―
Atrona Grizel
I have always
seen cities as concrete forests, because all the mainstream ones truly are that
way. Colourless walls, houses stacked on top of each other, grey streets… such
tastelessness does not exist even in dystopias. There is not much in such a
“ghetto” that I can enjoy going to, and even if I move away from it, simply
because I was born into it, because I am dependent on it, I must inevitably
return to it. And this assaults my imagination. I would want every paving stone
to be carefully and decoratively painted. I would want every vehicle to be
painted in an entirely artistic way instead of carrying advertising stickers
and brand logos. I would want every street wall to have graffiti, with
name-writing, profanity, or sexual content excluded from it. I would want
people to be in traditional and spiritual robes, completely removed from
materialism, instead of wearing nylon clothes. I would want there to be images
on every building wall, like the gigantic propaganda posters from the Soviet
era that covered more than half of an entire building. And perhaps most
importantly, when I look out the window, I would want to see not the chaotic
mass of boring apartment blocks that practically suffocate me, but a hidden,
utopian settlement intertwined with nature and greenery.
―
Atrona Grizel
In my early
teenage years, there were times when I constantly carried a feeling of shame,
even unable to sleep at night, by thinking about poor and miserable people and
comparing their situation with my own, which I saw as comfortable. This feeling
had newly attached itself to me; that is, I had just learned of the existence
of those people and therefore did not know how to manage it. My empathy, or
self-sacrifice, was so great that, seeing the people around me also living
comfortable lives, I secretly felt hostility toward them, imagining that I was
on the side of those socioeconomically third-class people. But then I realized
that nothing changed. Everything stays the same. Those people did not care
about others either; why would they? That is what I learned: why should other
people matter to me? But I did not do this by becoming insensitive like them; I
did it by wrapping myself in a painful indifference, and I always kept that
empathy hidden inside me, even though it remained in theory only.
―
Atrona Grizel
To simply dismiss
my thoughts as “the product of suffering,” as nothing more than a kind of
“personal revenge” by someone who has suffered, is of course easy. But the
reality is that I am not governed by my emotions. I feel quite intensely, and
yet I manage not to remain under its influence. Had I allowed my emotions to
dominate my mind, I would have committed suicide long ago. Instead, I admit my
emotions into the parliament of my intellect like members of an assembly. In
other words, they have the right to speak, but they are not the rulers. Yes,
pain is the raw material of my thoughts, but it is not their creator. The pains
I have endured have only made me extremely sensitive to details that most
people ignore, and since I already possess a thoughtful mind, I pursued those
details even further, and thus I formed my thoughts from the analysis of these
observations. Here, pain is the origin, but it is not the cause.
―
Atrona Grizel
Ordinary states
focus only on basic needs such as food, clothing, and shelter, because what is
on their agenda is ordinary life. They do not “interfere” in the private life
of the individual on the grounds of “violation of privacy,” and this turns
people into children left to their own devices. Children, of course, will cling
to toys, and that is what happens in liberal societies. This leads to societies
being dominated by people who do nothing beyond mere survival, and this in turn
causes humanity to stagnate mentally and spiritually. In totalitarian regimes,
on the other hand, the individual is an inseparable part of a greater
structure, like a brick in a building. This brick, disregarding its
individuality, makes a sacrifice to form the building, and with individuals
renouncing themselves in order to dissolve into the structure, a building comes
into existence. This enables society to act in accordance with a common ideal,
rather than living merely to survive. It seems to me that, not practically but
theoretically, the state should exist not for the people, but the people for
the state, but only if the state “deserves” it. For example, for a utopia to
sustain its utopian nature, it must become totalitarian, because as it becomes
more democratic, it will fragment. It is this kind of hypothetical regime that
is respectable, not the oppressive regimes established by power-hungry tyrants.
―
Atrona Grizel
If I were
immortal, how could I endure life? In such a case, I would not even be able to
take refuge in the thought of suicide, and this, the knowledge that I could not
kill myself whenever I wanted, would be no different from torture. This is not
“eternity”; it is being imprisoned in life, whereas there is always a void
greater than life.
―
Atrona Grizel
Being emotional
does not mean being governed by emotions.
―
Atrona Grizel
By its nature,
poetry is rule-bound, even for those who belong to movements of “rulelessness.”
Even the most anarchic poem is full of rigidity: harmony, rhymes, lines,
stanzas, and paragraphs. This is not for me. I prefer poetic prose over poetry
itself.
―
Atrona Grizel
When one is alone, change is, in a sense, far more free, because there are no friends waiting to turn even the slightest change into a conversation and demand that one “justify” oneself. Do you want to wear a certain outfit? You wear it. Do you want to go somewhere? You go. Do you want to adopt a new philosophy? You adopt it… No one interferes, because there is no one to interfere anyway; thus the constant obligation of translation disappears, and the person steps outside the molds of social language. Perhaps this is why people who are in society do not truly change at their core, because being swallowed by society means submitting to “inner stability,” that is, to a monotony of the self.
― Atrona Grizel