Obsession is the relentless return to the same themes in each different writing. Yet, every time, it dives deeper.
Obsession is the relentless return to the same themes in each different writing. Yet, every time, it dives deeper.
―
Atrona Grizel
Teachers,
therapists, activists: all of them try to “enlighten” me by changing me, by
making me devote myself to their ideas. Every word that leaves my mouth is
perceived by them as data to be “corrected.” The concern with “healing” kills
communication; yet from the very start I never established any mutual
communication with them anyway. They keep me captive and do to me what they
want. But they do not know—and will not know—that in my inner world they cannot
be permanent; that, like stones thrown into the water, they sink to the bottom
and vanish; and that their behavior only makes this ocean within me even more
devouring.
―
Atrona Grizel
Y: “What is your
crime?”
X: “I have
completely abolished what is ‘forbidden’ even to question.”
―
Atrona Grizel
There are souls
that have nothing left to kill.
―
Atrona Grizel
Music begins
where words end, expressing what language fails to convey through melodies.
Yet, music itself is filled with hidden letters; the only difference from a
book is that it surrenders all its power to the listener’s inner world.
―
Atrona Grizel
Music is
objectivity in subjectivity.
―
Atrona Grizel
Being a speck of
dust or even garbage is not a “bad” thing; it is not conveyed in such a tone.
It is simply stated. Yet, when people encounter such writing, they
automatically assume darkness. Black. Because they don’t realize that even
“badness” can be white.
―
Atrona Grizel
X: “I will not
prune even a millimeter of my thoughts for anyone’s sake, under any
circumstance.”
Y: “But that is
so arrogant.”
X: “When everyone
was absent, they were with me. And when you leave, too, only they will remain
with me once again.”
―
Atrona Grizel
Those who appear
wise, vast, and different—but are not truly so within—usually drink two
poisons: wisdom and rebellion.
― Atrona
Grizel
One’s love of
“wisdom” often masks a deeper cowardice toward life itself, a fear of
confronting the void within. It becomes the last refuge for those unable to
accept, digest, or endure being “bad” or “weak”—a shallow shelter cloaking
themselves in a semblance of goodness or depth. The constant need to justify
themselves stems from this: they lack the capacity to be “wrong.” This type is
the most dangerous, for they wear the guise of “intelligence” and
“enlightenment” while harboring only a fragile facade. They are neither black
nor white, but an insidious gray.
―
Atrona Grizel
The stone
toughens with me. The trees speak with me. The rain falls for me. The wind
breathes with me. The shadows lurk by my side. The ice freezes with my exile.
The fire burns with my rage. The earth spins with me. The moon keeps silence
with me. The sun shines with my essence. The stars glow with my eye. The vast,
borderless cosmos meets my gaze. All of it understands me, or even if not, at
least aligns with me. It is only the human race and civilization I do not feel
tethered to, nor can I. Not by flesh. Not by language. Not even by sorrow.
Humans speak a tongue that never belonged in my throat. But what about a life
completely deprived of stone, trees, rain, wind, shadows, ice, fire, the world,
the moon, the sun, stars, and the cosmos, confined in a tiny cage right in the
middle of people, going on trapped?
―
Atrona Grizel
I never had a
persona on social media; that is to say, I was never actively present on the
internet. I only interacted and observed—nothing more—because I never had the
desire to be involved in it, nor did I feel any need to. This continued until
the end of my adolescence, and I never felt its absence. Eventually, however, I
began comparing the scarcity and sameness of people in the physical world with
the abundance and diversity of people—or at least the possibility of meeting
someone even on the other side of the world—in the virtual one. And thus, out
of weariness with those around me, I too was drawn into social media. I created
accounts. I shared pictures. I posted quotes. I wrote texts, and so on. Yet
there was one thing that set me apart from those who used these platforms as
they were meant to be used: I did all this so that they would remain frozen in
time, as “capsules of the past.” Perhaps, I thought, someone who understands me
might see them even decades later and think, “So there was someone like me who
saw all these things I saw in existence.” Those who turn to the virtual world
as their only alternative because they cannot find satisfaction in the physical
one are usually conformists, for they are addicted to their screens precisely
because they do not wish to be alone with their pain. Naturally, they are ready
to do whatever is expected of them there—disregarding their own identities for
the sake of belonging, even when it harms them. This is the reaction of a
typical adolescent whose mind has already been assimilated into societal
values. But I entered the virtual world not as an escape, but as a search—and
that is where I differ from them. My personality was formed in solitude, and
therefore my values belonged entirely to me. That is why I neither fell into
their corrupted path nor found resonance in any virtual space where even
discontented people gather to form “alliances.” There was no one who truly
spoke to me, nor was capable of doing so, for I was not living in an age of
contemplation but in an era of consumption. And it is precisely for this reason
that, while my peers were able to flee from themselves, I could not find
anything that could affirm me. Still, I kept sharing—not because I expected
something to happen, but simply because maybe something might. It wasn’t hope
that drove me; it was the impulse, the urge to encounter that person who exists
nowhere. Now, I express my inner world so that it may somehow reach those rare,
marginal souls outside society. I externalize many of the things that pass
through me—not to be liked, but to be found. Yet a feeling within me insists
that I still belong to that untouched, pure self I had before late adolescence.
―
Atrona Grizel
Good exists
because evil exists; similarly, evil exists because good exists. In a place
where goodness dominates, evil stands out and leaves a greater mark.
Conversely, if evil prevails in a place, the most powerful and impactful force
there is goodness. If good didn’t exist, evil wouldn’t exist—and vice versa—for
these two concepts create each other and owe their existence to one another.
―
Atrona Grizel
A person who is
devoid of happiness experiences even the tiniest joy profoundly, whereas
someone who is already overflowing with happiness will never have this profound
experience. Because a single drop of water in a desert feels like a miracle,
whereas in an ocean, it is entirely insignificant. This is why unhappiness is
actually a, or even the most lasting, source of happiness.
―
Atrona Grizel
If something is
abundant, its impact, no matter how strong, diminishes; whereas if it is
scarce, its impact, no matter how weak, amplifies.
―
Atrona Grizel
The moment people
see a “contradiction,” they reflexively assume there is a “mistake” because
they equate the notion of “contradicting” with “being wrong.” According to
them, everything must be “revealed” and “resolved.” But what they fail to
realize is that what they see is not a contradiction, but depth and complexity.
That is what they are allergic to. In the end, after all, contradictions are
not mistakes to be “corrected.”
― Atrona Grizel