Noise that is enchanting when one falls under its influence is, sooner or later, inevitably destined to subside.
Noise that is enchanting when one falls under its influence is, sooner or later, inevitably destined to subside.
― Atrona Grizel
A person should not strive
to be happy, but rather to eliminate envy and jealousy—or, at the very least,
to put a leash on them, because only in this way does the deepest spiritual
contentment become possible. This is why the wealthy, who possess everything,
still experience dissatisfaction, while sincere communities living in poverty
can be happy within their own worlds, even if they possess little in material
terms. How, then, will a person do this? By eliminating other people. This does
not necessarily mean murder, nor does it mean detaching oneself from them. It
can simply mean this: being loyal and trustworthy only to oneself, so that the
individual attains supremacy over their own reality. A person does not even
need to love themselves, nor even to accept themselves; yet if they remain
attached to themselves, not alienated from themselves—if they respect their own
reality and affirm it—then whether others are happy will not affect them
negatively to any great extent, because others will fall into a secondary plane
of ontology. If to put it simply, the only comparison should be towards
oneself.
―
Atrona Grizel
When I was still
very little, I was made to feel quite worthless, and instead of crushing me,
this led me to forcibly and laboriously discover my own value before even
entering adulthood and to guard it tightly, because if I had not descended into
the mine within me back then, I would have been nothing more than an ordinary
piece of coal, just as they said.
―
Atrona Grizel
Truth is not
socially useful, because there is no truth in sociality. Those pseudo-prophets
who gather followers around themselves are not seers but merely merchants of
emotion.
―
Atrona Grizel
Language is not
something to be expressed but something to be weaponized; when I speak or
write, I merely “express my weapons.”
―
Atrona Grizel
A child who
notices inconsistencies is usually “corrected gently,” while a child who “won’t
stop noticing” is isolated.
―
Atrona Grizel
Love becomes
self-destruction in a hostile environment; you should not love your predators
if you want to stay alive.
―
Atrona Grizel
If chatting is
designated as an activity to be done, then that chat is something done purely
to pass time, that is, for entertainment, and for this reason it is empty talk
and, therefore, mere noise.
―
Atrona Grizel
I do not need to
get wet under the rain to prove that I love it. But if it had not made me sick,
then I could have lain completely naked under the raindrops and I would have
loved that.
―
Atrona Grizel
Not listening but
judging can be a virtue, because the one who listens is merely there, that is,
passive, whereas the one who judges reinforces their existence, that is, is
active. But the whole issue lies in how and what kind of judgment is made. I
would not want someone who listens to me as I am. I would not care if there
were no listener who never judges me, because that is like speaking into a
void, and naturally one might as well not speak to it.
―
Atrona Grizel
I have been in
the world of rich, gluttonous, and gambling young people. And I witnessed very
closely a characteristic of such filthy worlds: they normalize themselves, and
as a result, the people of that world see themselves as natural. To be “normal”
within these groups meant worshipping money, constantly eating and drinking,
and gambling, whether online or offline. And because people are afraid of not
being “normal,” even if the norm itself is a disease, they submitted to their
friends. This situation made me realize how intensely young people experience
peer pressure in their subconscious. These people may seem like they are having
a lot of fun, but at their core they are very fragile, because to drive them to
suicide, it is enough to take away their money and their social circles. They
would probably open a live stream, complain about their troubles, and shoot
themselves, because even at the moment of death they are dependent on the likes
that come from the screen.
―
Atrona Grizel
I never had a
“dream job” that I was passionately attached to. Because I never believed in
society’s perception of professions. Adults used to tell me to occupy myself
with something when I was a child, but I could not make sense of why they
loaded it with so much seriousness. I was painting, for example, and that was
just that. I did not want to go to courses. I did not care about competitions.
Because I did not have an obsession with “potential.” This obsession is a
social invention instilled by adults. This did not change even when I reached
adulthood, despite all the insincere pressures disguised as care. I have only
one dream; that is all: that my stomach be full.
―
Atrona Grizel
I am fond of
freedom, but I do not like freedom in others very much, because humans are not
creatures that inspire enough trust to be left free. If you leave a mischievous
child free in the house, you know they will turn everything upside down.
―
Atrona Grizel
Keeping people at
a distance is simple: if you do not go to them, they will not come to you
either, because frankly, you do not even matter to them. People expect you to
constantly proclaim your existence; they need this. If you do not respond to
that expectation, they will forget you even if you stand right before their
eyes, because they distance themselves most from the one who is silent.
―
Atrona Grizel
I developed my
ability to write scenarios through chatbots on the internet.
―
Atrona Grizel
I do not flirt;
it makes me feel as if I am in a theater. Things like “going out to romantic
dinners” also seem meaningless to me, because I cannot perceive any attraction
in an energy called food being chewed by a biological organism and pushed down
the throat to be expelled later. I cannot ignore this determinism, or rather, I
do not ignore it, because it actually protects me against love. If I love
someone, I tell them that I do, or I say nothing at all, because my love is
internal, not verbal. Flirting is a transitional stage located exactly between
these extremes, and I reject this fondling. This is not because I am incapable
of it, because I believe I am more aware of social signals than even those who
emit them; it is because I refuse to call pleasure the act of hiding feelings
and postponing them.
―
Atrona Grizel
Autumn dries
things out, that is, it kills; winter freezes, that is, it still keeps things
alive behind ice.
―
Atrona Grizel
If jinns existed,
my loneliness would be lighter, because they would be an alternative to humans,
but unfortunately I do not believe they exist.
―
Atrona Grizel
I gave up playing
games, watching films, or listening to music a long time ago because of the
“societal toxins” they contain, since they became unbearable. For example, a
game ends with an unrealistically “good” ending, a film tells the story of
someone who has “devoted their life to society,” or songs simply contain
obscene lyrics, and through these, ”love games” are encouraged. That is why I
stopped engaging with them. However, this led to stimulus deprivation. So what
did I do? I created my own games, films, and songs inside myself.
―
Atrona Grizel
If there were one
thing I would teach a child, if I wanted such a thing, it would be to shudder
at the light rather than the dark, because just as anything can happen to you
in the dark, you can also do whatever you want to others there. If others can
do whatever they want to them, then they too can and should do whatever they
want to others…
―
Atrona Grizel
I was not
excluded by society; society was excluded by me. I am not “shy”; I left the
social arena. I withdraw because I can, not because I “cannot adapt.”
―
Atrona Grizel
Seeing children
who are more concerned with the inside than the outside, and whose condition
does not stem from shyness or inadequacy, frightens me, because I can already
envision their future lives. I also see the entire lifetimes of ordinary,
social children, but this only disgusts me. I want to brush one aside, and
carefully observe the other without touching.
―
Atrona Grizel
Adults always
treated me with the implication of “will figure it out later,” that is, by
treating my inner world, which is an entire universe, like dust that needed to
be shaken off. This treatment automatically diminished as my age increased. Yet
I had not changed. Only that number had changed. And solely because of this,
people’s mentality was changing, which was stupid. Simply because my body grew,
this treatment lessened, but it still continued due to my different way of
thinking. They were still giving me orders, still saying that I was “rebelling
like a teenager.” But when they do this now, they can no longer make me feel
small, because my sense of self has settled, and this again draws its source
from me, not from others. And now, at times, if I wish, by pointing my index
finger at them as if in a threatening manner and uttering a single sentence, I
make them question the values to which they have devoted their entire lives,
and I take pleasure in watching the mixture of shock and terror on their faces
when they hear my silence.
―
Atrona Grizel
The things most
deserving of love are, almost coincidentally, always the things too unreachable
to be loved.
―
Atrona Grizel
If a state feels
the need to call itself democratic, it is usually not. There was no democracy
in Democratic Kampuchea.
― Atrona Grizel