In order to learn, it is necessary to be the enemy of the teacher. One should not learn anything that is taught.
In order to learn, it is necessary to be the enemy of the teacher. One should not learn anything that is taught.
―
Atrona Grizel
The world had
slapped me in the face by saying, “This place is not for the sentient and the
sensitive.” But my reaction was not the typical troubled path a young person
takes—drugs, curses, crimes, and lust—but rather to expunge entirely from my
mind the world that had struck me in the face. That is, to cleanse and purge
from my mind all the rules, norms, moralities, and beliefs it held, as if they
were viruses. In Freud’s words, the “superego” that once reflected society and
its values has either vanished or been turned into a puppet by my ego, made to
bear only its values. My “id,” on the other hand, is already leashed. In other
words, what we have here is nothing but the absolute reign of the ego. Thus my
mind came to be governed not by that world but by me alone. There I lay down
and rose with many “dirty” and “dangerous” feelings and thoughts, and because
there was no longer any external force to chain me, I celebrated and fanned
them without shame or hesitation. After all, even if something is filthy, if it
issues from me it is certainly more precious and potent than the “clean” things
offered by society. Since I overthrew all societal influences on me by staging
an internal coup d’état, I began to feel no discomfort or discontent about
anything that belonged to me. I exploited this inner strength by weaponizing my
intelligence for survival. In other words, I set about stripping away my
outward purity through coldness and dismissiveness—not my inner purity. For
whatever would protect my inner self from the outer world could at best be a
kind of rock-solid armor. So, even though I might actually have been a rather
fluid personality, I assumed two principal personas. And I was proud of this
ally that my enemy—the world—had handed me with its own hands.
―
Atrona Grizel
People have a
purpose: that is why they all just pass by—because the only thing that concerns
them is their purpose. This is what happens when one has a purpose: merely
passing by, unaware of the depth around them, for their focus is caged within
that specific goal. The unoccupied are always more receptive and perceptive
than the occupied.
―
Sov884
Shut up so that
humans won’t have anything to exploit, so that what comes out of you is not
returned as an enemy. Instead of shouting and screaming, remove your need and
dependence on outward speaking and external communication, and let the universe
in you host an eternal opera special only to you.
―
Atrona Grizel
Instead of
thinking “for the sake of …” when performing a physical act, I find zeal by always
thinking, “Perhaps something will happen.”
―
Atrona Grizel
To live “for”
something confines and imprisons the mind within that thing. Those who simply
live without the need for such attachments and dependencies, in this regard,
carry a freer and more independent mind.
―
Atrona Grizel
To see what
others do not see is not to “see hallucinations”; it is to confront the raw
reality that seeps through the pervasive hallucinations covering everything.
―
Atrona Grizel
When someone
cries, it awakens literally no feeling in me. Not out of indifference, but out
of irrelevance. Because humans are one kind of being, and I am another. That
is, I neither feel their pain nor feel the urge to “relieve” them; I simply
watch them as if observing and recording the traits and functions of an alien.
Because my empathy is not reactive but reflexive. It is not emotional and human
but rather cosmic and existential. As such, it is not affected by such instant
and cheap emotions—whether crying, anger, or laughter. My sense of solidarity
can, at most, be directed not at a specific suffering person but at humanity in
general in the face of suffering. For it is either too high or too deep for
such surface matters.
―
Atrona Grizel
The “holy”
scriptures are filled with tales of peoples destroyed for their “sins” against
God. Yet the true “annihilation” will be the one committed against all humanity
by the sacred silence that devours and erases those very religious writings.
Humans fail to see how they provoke the universe with their constant clamor—and
worse, they feel no shame in it, persisting relentlessly. The only true god of
the universe—silence—will not forgive humankind for this sin.
―
Atrona Grizel
When one
vanishes, so does the world. When death occurs, everything “dies” along with
that being. The existence of the world is tied to one’s existence; when one
ceases to exist, so does the existence. Then, why care about what happens in
the world after death?
―
Atrona Grizel
There is nothing
more humiliating than an alarm clock waiting ready at the head of the table—and
that it always will be.
―
Atrona Grizel
States, like
humans, possess emotions. When treated with affection and care, they become
outgoing, connected, open, and sociable; when neglected or abused, they turn
inward, secret, suspicious, and hostile.
―
Atrona Grizel
If after this
moment you still won’t come, I do not wish to remain in this world.
But if you will
come, I do not wish to welcome you either.
I will not take
you in my hands, only to let go—I will not take you at all.
Just to show you…
how it feels.
―
Atrona Grizel
What grows and
gets stronger in solitude is usually what is brought there. If a cynical person
voluntarily lives a solitary life, their cynicism will increase day by day. And
over time, they might become radicalized. This also applies to other
situations, such as being “intelligent” or self-hating. An “intelligent” person
will be more and more “smart” in solitude, while a self-hating person will
become more and more self-hating in it.
―
Atrona Grizel
While being alone
fuels thoughts like fire, being surrounded by people suspends them. Those who
spend all their time in bars, clubs, parties, festivals, and every other
entertainment or socialization space with ceaseless interaction and activity
abuse this feature.
―
Atrona Grizel
What never
crosses the mind of someone who spends their life in crowds can plague a
recluse for months, years, or even their whole life.
―
Atrona Grizel
I’m walking on a
straight road. There’s not a single person around. On either side of me, there
are trees that seem to be communicating with me. Above me, dark clouds that
have repelled the sun. At my temples, a cold wind caressing me. And on my
shoulders, raindrops that feel as if they are embracing me. In short, old
comrades. Everyone is here. The fewer humans there are around, the stronger the
feeling that “someone” or “something” is accompanying me. For when there are no
humans, the human noise ceases, and in that sudden silence the rest of
existence, the non-human world, can finally speak. Thus, I feel like my
surroundings are so full and crowded, more than even a party or a rally could
ever be.
―
Atrona Grizel
I feel, in closed
weather, as if the surface of the earth were drifting, lost, inside a colossal
fog cloud—as if the void of space had been replaced by a vast confusion of
clouds. There is a mystical spell here; people become drowsy, and thus, like
enemy soldiers that are neutralized, heads drop one by one onto tables. Pure
peace.
―
Atrona Grizel
With every second
I pass through, I feel like an undiscovered continent. And I celebrate
that—because if humans discover me, my fate will be like America being
exploited by Europeans. That is why I hide in terra incognita, outside the
maps.
―
Atrona Grizel
Am I able to
breathe here? Maybe. But I am able respirate.
―
Atrona Grizel
They say, “Don’t
be so judgmental.” It is only because they cannot bear the harsh collision of a
different reality against their own. Yet one must judge. Endlessly, and without
cease. When you look at those who are nonjudgmental and ever-accepting, they
appear as though they lack any distinct personality that makes them a person at
all. They are without character. For, having merged with their surroundings,
they are no different from them. People love those who accept them as they are,
precisely because they pose no threat to their current self. In other words,
they love those who are, at root, nothing more than a silhouette.
―
Atrona Grizel
I was born not by
a human, but by nature. That is, the entire universe. Then humans intervened
and severed my physical bond with it. But the metaphysical bond always
remained.
― Atrona Grizel