I would rather collapse inward and disappear than explode and scatter around.
I would rather collapse inward and disappear than explode and scatter around.
―
Atrona Grizel
Teens have seen
nothing, yet they think they have seen everything. What complicates matters is
that the awareness, which usually appears in later years, arises at this age
instead. If a 15-year-old body carries the brain of a 50-year-old, this
person’s already fragile ties to the physical world are severed the moment they
set foot in it. Because of their age, they also have no chance to speak out or
to persistently oppose; thus, it is impossible for them to express themselves
outwardly. Even if they were to express themselves, there are very few who
could grasp it. A vast universe is crammed inside them, and this universe is,
as it were, locked away from the outside, not with locks but with existential
barriers. Yet their peers, in the midst of a smug inexperience, are rather
content. Adolescents are wild and primitive animals roaming in groups, for that
is the social rule. And with what they do, they boast, pushing away those who
do not do as they do, so that the stage is left to the insane. After all, to
blend in among the crowd of mad, one must be like them.
―
Atrona Grizel
I do not believe
anyone will understand me, and without understanding, love and interest are
pointless anyway, except for those of children, because even if they do not
deeply comprehend adults, they can become very attached to them. I have gone
very deep. I have gone so deep that I no longer even write this as praise
directed at myself. The creatures of the surface can no longer reach my depth.
That is, me, a submarine creature living on the ocean floor. Everyone else
lives on the surface. They do not know how to breathe underwater; I, on the
other hand, have forgotten what oxygen is.
―
Atrona Grizel
The person who
will understand me may not have appeared yet. They may never appear. But this
doesn’t mean that I am incomprehensible—it only means that I am not understood.
―
Atrona Grizel
The one who is
truly lucid can never belong among the delusional patients. The only thing that
will happen is that the sick will see themselves as healthy, and the one who is
healthy will be regarded as the sick one.
―
Atrona Grizel
I wrote sloppily;
they humiliated me and didn’t like it. I wrote well; they envied me and didn’t
believe it. I didn’t write anything at all; they mocked me and dismissively
walked away.
―
Atrona Grizel
No one will read
my writings. Even if they do, they won’t understand. Even if they understand,
they won’t care. Even if they care, they won’t act. Even if they act, it won’t
make any impact. And even if it makes an impact, everything is temporary, after
all.
―
Atrona Grizel
Y: “Be yourself.”
X: “How?”
Y: “Just be
yourself.”
―
Atrona Grizel
When disgust and
hatred for humanity disappear, a person begins to live, amidst all these
beings, in utter solitude as though they were the last person left on earth.
For even hostility points to the fact that there is still a bond with the thing
one is hostile toward. Once the pinnacle of cynicism becomes the abolishment of
cynicism itself, a person begins to live like a ghost drifting here and there,
affecting nothing and being affected by nothing. To hate is to honor the hated.
Rivals, even if they never admit it and even if they themselves remain unaware
of it, secretly love each other. But once hatred disappears, existence itself
vanishes.
―
Atrona Grizel
Just as crime
ceases to exist when everyone is guilty, so too does a lie cease to be a lie
and become reality when it is universally believed.
―
Atrona Grizel
Modern humans
feel a sense of happiness on Friday, believing that they are free at last. But
on Monday, they will go to that place again, with their own feet. And the cycle
repeats.
―
Atrona Grizel
The only thing
that prevents a global rebellion is, in fact, those two days of the weekend. If
those two days were also taken away, it would finally feel like true
enslavement. To feel a desire to get rid of chains, one must first acknowledge
that they are a slave. Only by admitting this can the desire for a different
thing begins, after all. But as long as those two days remain, the system
persists day after day and feels so natural that it is not even questioned.
―
Atrona Grizel
In the struggle
of existence I’ve learned one thing: in moments when I’m too overwhelmed, I
“switch myself off” like pressing a button and wait for it to simply pass by.
―
Atrona Grizel
I can accept you
only by rejecting you.
―
Atrona Grizel
Having an
advanced career is not so much an “indicator of intelligence” as a deception of
formality. I have seen so many people who, on paper, were something—but outside
of paper, the opposite, or at least not that thing at all. Because nothing
written on paper reflects reality. Once paperwork enters a matter, real life is
poisoned by bureaucracy. Someone who appears to work for the protection of
animals in public life may in private be one who tortures animals, for
instance. That possibility always exists.
―
Atrona Grizel
For me to
understand all relationships, witnessing one is enough.
―
Atrona Grizel
I have never been
able to reconcile with, nor am I interested in resolution, those who see the
world not as a kind of project or simulation to be questioned but as a kind of
novel or “adventure” to be explored—usually the naive young
“experience-hunters” far removed from any intellectuality.
―
Atrona Grizel
I live in the
silences, called “ridiculous” or “absurd,” that emerge during conversations,
and from there every dialogue sounds ridiculous and absurd.
―
Atrona Grizel
Even in death,
the state lingers. One cannot simply die; they must die “properly,” through
funerals, death certificates, burial permits, and registered graves.
―
Atrona Grizel
For most, the
state governs their soul. For a few, the state governs only their skin.
―
Atrona Grizel
One matures
through suffering. And as they mature, they suffer even more.
―
Atrona Grizel
It is exceedingly
rare for one who has not endured extraordinary experiences to develop an
extraordinary perspective.
―
Atrona Grizel
There are two
forms of insight: one hardened by events, the other by ideas. The first is the
usual kind; the second comes not necessarily from seeing too much, but from
feeling too much.
―
Atrona Grizel
I feel as if I
have pressed the “skip” button and passed through adolescence.
―
Atrona Grizel
As long as
unnecessary external distractions exist, the ordinary mind’s thoughts will
orbit around them. The herd wonders when the bus will come, where the store is,
whether their clothes look appealing, or what to eat for dinner. They concern
themselves with the latest fashion trends, the next meal, or the breaking news
of some random conflict unfolding on the opposite side of the world. These are
not profound contemplations; they are synthetic distractions crafted by a world
designed to keep minds perpetually occupied, tethered to the mundane.
―
Atrona Grizel
The moment it is
realized that the goal was to destroy the world rather than save it, to be
dynamite rather than an architect, a world is created from the ashes—and none
are let in but the self.
―
Atrona Grizel
As children,
dreams are filled with heroes. As adults, tears fall with deep understanding
before the “villains.”
― Atrona Grizel