Every conversation attempted is a spent silence.
Every conversation attempted is a spent silence.
―
Atrona Grizel
Mosquitoes are
open and honest. They bite a person and cause the skin to itch quite a bit.
Because they are so open, they become noticeable and get killed. Humans, on the
other hand, are indirect and deceitful. They do more than bite—they consume a
person but do so behind the scenes, causing little immediate sensation. The
mosquito’s itch is temporary; humans, however, consume an entire lifetime.
―
Atrona Grizel
In societies
where “car culture” exists, which today includes most societies, families
pressure their children to get a driver’s license as soon as they turn 18,
because the person is considered to have become an “adult” and is expected to
“prove it.” Yet biologically, nothing changes. A person who was a child the day
before their 18th birthday does not suddenly become an adult the next day.
Besides, this obsolete mindset that ties adulthood to physical age will not
suddenly inject wisdom into someone just because they’ve passed 18. This
mindset merely passes on to the child social obligations that it has copied
from the outside and accepted as “supreme values” without questioning them. I
never truly had a real conversation with my family throughout my life. I don’t
even remember them kissing me, and even if they did when I was a child, I am
now so detached from them that the idea would disgust me to the point of
revulsion. If I were physically separated from them, I would forget their names
within weeks; they would not remain in my memory, because I have no bond with
them. They occupy no space in my inner world. And yet, when they said to me,
“Once you turn 18, you’ll have a driver’s license,” I found it unexplainably
absurd. We were so alien to each other that our entire relationship was reduced
to such basic, practical needs. But a driver’s license is not even a need. I
compulsively want to walk everywhere, in all kinds of weather and no matter the
distance, and I don’t care about the judgment of a society that doesn’t even
exist for me. My parents have no place in my life, and when they still behave
as if they do, as if they are still living with me in some meaningful sense,
instead of feeling “inadequate” under this, I simply laugh. Are they even
serious?
―
Atrona Grizel
Pain should lead
to sociological insight. In fact, I am kin with people who live homeless lives
on the street, using slang and profanity, smoking and drinking, because beneath
them there are also deep suffering and emotional depth. But our environments
are completely different. They do not think, because “thinking does not fill
their stomach.” As a result, they simply live the pain. They do not use it. In
my case, because I have a bit more comfort than they do, I managed to fixate
obsessively on my pain and, by exposing all the faces of society, to bring it
down. But if I tried to explain this to those types wandering the streets, of
course they would not care at all. Both sides are right here. Because life has
forced them to live through noise and immediacy, and me through silence and
thought. But our root is still the same. If we were both taken out of our
environments and placed in an empty room facing each other, then we would think
that we do not understand one another, yet deep down we would know that we do.
―
Atrona Grizel
Everything that
lasts a long time eventually becomes normalized. The tears of someone who has
been crying for years are no longer “valid”; they have become merely a
“personality trait” in the eyes of others.
―
Atrona Grizel
I seemed mute,
alone, invisible. But in reality, I was an army marching through a city.
―
Atrona Grizel
Blaming the
outside at every opportunity should be a fixed reflex. Not because of cowardice
or avoidance, but because of courage and defiance.
―
Atrona Grizel
On days
considered “special” by society, stores and shops offer discounts. Companies
announce that they are lowering the prices of their products specifically for
this day because they have no other choice: if one company offers discounts,
people will gravitate toward it, and the others will incur losses. Therefore,
other companies imitate this; everywhere, advertisements for discounted
products are displayed, all “dedicated to this special day.” As a result, a
misleading atmosphere of unity, joy, and excitement emerges. Yet these actions
are not sincere but done out of necessity, since failing to follow suit means
suffering losses. This situation is quite similar to how people act “special”
on these days because they, too, don’t really have much of a choice.
―
Atrona Grizel
Special people
create their own special days.
―
Atrona Grizel
One doesn’t need
to “celebrate” their birthday.
―
Atrona Grizel
A concise
definition of peace: hearing one’s own footsteps echo in a place normally
teeming with people and throbbing with noise.
―
Atrona Grizel
Heaven is the
place where there is no one; humans cannot go there.
―
Atrona Grizel
Talkative people
can always be “saved,” but those who have withdrawn into themselves are
terrifying to those who sense the impulses behind this permanent exile.
― Atrona
Grizel
Speaking not
because there is something to say, but because there is something sayable.
―
Atrona Grizel
Doing nothing is
better than doing something.
―
Atrona Grizel
Any report
prepared in the style of “90% of participants answered … while only 10% chose
…” should be read with the understanding that these amounts represent an
ordinary majority, and that quantity, not quality, is what is valued. After
all, people are all the same, because they lack an inner world vivid and
creative enough to set them apart, so their reactions are always identical.
Pessimistic thoughts do not necessarily have to bring “depression,” for
example. Or someone might be disturbed not by meaninglessness, but by meaning
itself—because for them the only meaning is meaninglessness, perhaps. Yet the
emotions and thoughts of the overwhelming majority are always the same, because
their responses are flat and linear. As a result, the conclusions of such
reports speak not to and about the individual, but to and about society. If someone
reads them and feels familiarity instead of disgust, they should know that they
are not an “individual,” but merely a number among the mass.
―
Atrona Grizel
Deepest tears are
shed not by crying, but by writing; longing becomes irony, rage becomes clarity,
despair becomes theory, and love becomes philosophy. Because the training was
to know how to translate oneself, not how to express oneself.
―
Atrona Grizel
The scream cannot
be articulated; it must be witnessed, or it vanishes.
―
Atrona Grizel
Color, smell, or
taste do not exist in essence. The world is entirely colorless, odorless, and
tasteless. What makes things appear otherwise are merely the senses bestowed by
nature.
―
Atrona Grizel
The external
world is not necessary; it is only essential.
―
Atrona Grizel
I don’t search
for “truth”; I host it inside me.
―
Atrona Grizel
Since their inner
world is so vast, there are souls that almost exert effort to keep it
contained. For such individuals, their inner worlds try to seep out and take
over the outside world, not the other way around. For them, the external world
serves merely as raw material for the inner world—not for processing or
utility. These occur within. Because life continues there, like a river flowing
beneath the bushes. And since the external world is essentially insignificant
to them, these souls can entertain, cheer, or encourage themselves within their
inner world in any situation, at any time, and anywhere.
―
Atrona Grizel
Even the best
attempts at understanding another’s view will always be influenced by one’s
own, making empathy inherently imperfect. Every genuine perspective is unique
and one-of-a-kind—so how can anyone dare to step into another’s shoes?
―
Atrona Grizel
The universe will
not cease to exist one day—rather, it will be purified of matter. Perhaps there
will be a heat death, but something will happen nonetheless. The thought of a
void containing no biological life forms, a space unexperienced by any
consciousness, does not strike me as terrifying—instead, it feels like a cosmic
challenge to the limits of the human mind. Questions follow one another: “How
could that be possible?” “How long will this continue?” “What will happen
later?” “Then why is there something instead of nothing at all?” The terror
born of these questions has estranged me from small and ordinary human life.
While people grieve and despair over the “problems” in their own lives, what
has gnawed at me through sleepless nights with dread has been the nature of
existence itself. The only way to make peace with this feeling was to befriend
nothingness—to form an alliance that is abstract and metaphysical, one that
condemns the concrete and the physical. And by doing so, I abandoned my body
and transcended the Earth.
―
Atrona Grizel
The phrase, “Give
me control of the textbooks and I will control an entire generation,” is not so
much an ideological indoctrination and propaganda as it is a demonstration of
how robotized the youth has become: robots do not think and do not question;
they only absorb and execute.
―
Atrona Grizel
Rejection leads
to resentment, and resentment leads to retribution: human-disguised machines
are designed with such numerous codes. If one dismisses them, they will
automatically become angry and hold a grudge—a primitive, reflexive reaction.
And if this continues long enough, it may escalate into tangible harm, even
violence. In other words, the “code” embedded in these “machines” is clear:
rejection triggers anger, and if left unchecked, that anger leads to bloodshed.
They simply jump from A to B. There are no alternatives, no deviations—just
predictable outcomes, always the same.
― Atrona Grizel