Even the claim that everything is subjective is, inevitably, itself subjective.
Even the claim that everything is subjective is, inevitably, itself subjective.
―
Atrona Grizel
If the insipidity
and superficiality of the conversations one is exposed to everywhere disturb
them, it helps to think of it as a comedy scene between two mad people. Fools
are mad because they are simply fools. And the disturbed one is mad because
they still do care about what those fools ramble about.
―
Atrona Grizel
I no longer even
care whether anyone shares my views or not; everywhere now I am only looking
for those who are in a general state of dissatisfaction—without caring against
what or in what way they are disillusioned. I desire someone outside of
society; I do not even care why they are outside society. I would even be
satisfied with someone who had shaken off this collective madness and buried
themself in individual madness.
―
Atrona Grizel
Fate should not
be accepted but celebrated. Even if one dislikes the life they have fallen
into, even if they reject it stubbornly, they can still celebrate it. This is
the difference between acceptance and celebration: the former is like eating
the cake and finishing it, while the latter is like placing burning candles on
it and finding fulfillment not by eating it, but by watching it.
―
Atrona Grizel
Happiness is
“boring.”
―
Atrona Grizel
During the
routine, conventional exams that nobody at school took seriously—and which by
definition required no originality or depth—they would photograph and film us.
When the cameraman entered the classroom, those who were asleep were woken and
ordered to look at the papers in front of them. They posed for the camera, and
once the cameraman left, they put their heads down and went back to sleep. The
footage was then uploaded to social media for self-promotion. Outsiders, seeing
only the moment when everyone appeared to be studying, mistook that image for
reality. People—especially parents—viewed it through a rosy lens and clicked
the like button, saying “wow.” Yet only Goebbels is declared a devil, because
his writings expose the covert methods of advertising used by teachers and
principals—the propagandist lackeys and merchants. The methods differ—one uses
media and ideology to control a population, the other uses social expectations
and institutional authority to manufacture prestige—but the essence is the
same: manipulation of perception.
―
Atrona Grizel
To love solitude
is to love independence, and to rid oneself of society is to rid oneself of
terminal disease.
―
Atrona Grizel
Illness reminds
one that they are nothing more than a body trapped within itself.
―
Atrona Grizel
Morning: the
first bullet.
Noon: mental detachment stemming from exhaustion. Half the day is over, and
that brings a slight lull. Teeth are clenched, and it is endured.
Evening: a soldier utterly shattered, face ruined, teeth broken, exhausted—yet
raising his fist into the air defiantly, indicating “liberation.”
Night: wounds are dressed. Supplies are prepared. Tools are renewed. The next
day’s struggle awaits.
Next morning: repeat.
―
Atrona Grizel
From morning
until night they do nothing but giggle foolishly at this and that, and when
they cry they accuse me of “not offering consolation.” I, of course, will not
soothe them when what is needed is to encourage them to finally touch the
tragic dimension of life. Let them cry. In sobs and convulsions. Absolutely
alone. For only through tears does reality pass.
―
Atrona Grizel
My writings are
not the whole of the puzzle but only its pieces. Only when all of them are read
can a clear picture emerge—if it emerges at all.
―
Atrona Grizel
A tree that bears
fruit gets stoned; to survive, one must appear from the outside to be just an
ordinary tree. Not to be normal, but to appear normal.
―
Atrona Grizel
I feel like a
criminal hiding their identity. My crime is having stolen a lifetime’s worth of
gold—that is, having “stolen” myself. If I am caught, the gold will be taken
from me; in other words, they will steal me from myself. Hence, constant
vigilance and secrecy. When I interact with others, I give them only small
ingots. Sometimes I give nothing at all—only so they won’t “sense” me. I tore
out my tongue and threw it away. Thus, even if I wanted to, I can no longer
speak. Only so the diamonds inside me are not vomited out into the world. Am I
not forced to hide, like someone who has swallowed an entire chest of treasure?
―
Atrona Grizel
Their silence
stems not from knowing too much, but from knowing nothing at all.
―
Atrona Grizel
People will turn
to others, seeking to share their burdens, to speak of their troubles aloud,
for they cannot bear to face them in silence. Then, they will utter such words
in hopes of “justifying” themselves: “Human needs human.”
―
Atrona Grizel
People are not
consumed by constant rumination in silence. Instead, they are driven by a more
primal madness—a frantic need to be with others, much like an animal reacting
to isolation.
―
Atrona Grizel
I can’t help but
pity those who belong to noise to be in a space and situation where silence
reigns. The crown seems to have passed from them to me; “What happened now?” I
ask them shamelessly. For only now do they directly witness that there exists
another dimension of life—the fundamental dimension that permeates everything.
Noise, within silence, resembles a small child playing with toys, utterly
unaware of the universe beyond the sky.
―
Atrona Grizel
What gives rise
to optimism is the absence or ineffectiveness of ideals and dreams, whereas the
main source of pessimism is the passion and attachment to these ideals and
dreams, and the frustration they bring when faced with an ordinary world.
―
Atrona Grizel
Wherever I go, I
always feel as though I am an infiltrated agent on the enemy’s side.
―
Atrona Grizel
While right in
the middle of the moment, my eyes suddenly drift away, for my mind detaches
from the setting. As a result, everything around feels as if “too far away.” I
see galaxies, drift around black holes, or watch Earth endlessly spin in the
middle of the void. Voices of people come from “somewhere,” and someone
addresses my body, still present, asking: “Are you having fun?”
―
Atrona Grizel
When I stepped
into adulthood, the first thing I noticed was the intensity of normative
values. What in adolescence had been an expectation suddenly turned into a ball
and chain that a person drags along. People judged each other according to
whether they owned a car, whether they bought a house, whether they obtained a
diploma. They treated those who don’t drink or smoke as a child still, while they
deemed “boring” and looked down upon those who are not interested in sex and
lust. For they shaped their own values according to the values that society
imposed on them. They had no values of their own. They were so hollow that
there was no difference between them and externality itself. Whatever society
was, they were the same. But isn’t that exactly the nature of society? I never
carried the thought that it was made up of “individuals.” Society is created by
homogeneous machines, and precisely for this reason, when one says “society,”
what is meant is the reaction of the entire mass. Because the reaction they
give is one and the same, which means that there are no individuals at all.
― Atrona Grizel