Books do not free a person from their chains; they only replace one chain with another.
Books do not free a person from their chains; they only replace one chain with another.
―
Atrona Grizel
I will not be
forgotten, because I never even entered anyone’s memory. Besides, whether I am
forgotten or not does not concern me. I do not even want a grave, because is
that not an attempt at “erecting a monument,” at confining me to the world? What
they bury there is only a corpse, after all, and I am beyond the corpse and
therefore beyond memory and time as well.
―
Atrona Grizel
To know someone,
it is enough for me to hear their tone of voice.
―
Atrona Grizel
Accepting
injustice as the only reality justifies it. Carrying a dystopian perspective is
useful and even healthy, because it is a powerful consolation against this kind
of pain. If a person condemns the world beforehand, they will not be harmed
later by being disappointed by it.
―
Atrona Grizel
My independence
is actually dependent on society, because I did not “grow up on my own”; I was
formed as a reaction to the world. Structurally, I am dependent on the very
thing from which I try to declare my independence.
―
Atrona Grizel
I have never tried
to escape my thoughts; I have not even once dreamed of doing so, because my
thoughts do not control me—I control them. I am not under their influence; they
remain under mine. The inside of my mind is not a place of exile but a
totalitarian empire that I rule dictatorially. While I control the interior,
the border gate is also under my command: outsiders are treated as immigrants,
and almost all of them are turned back for lacking visas. Are they still
infiltrating the interior? Then send the troops immediately and kick them out
forcefully. This current personality is obviously in the Stalinist period:
purges, liquidations, massacres—everything carried out by an unflinching iron
fist. Yet I am still waiting, sometimes consciously and mostly subconsciously,
for this totalitarian era to end and for the time when Khrushchev’s thaw will
begin.
―
Atrona Grizel
In fact, a human
can know everything—literally everything, whether in existence or in
non-existence. But not through classical ways of thinking. Rather, through a
revision of the way of thinking: by directing all authority inward, whatever
the inner world deems right and real becomes right and real, and since this
inner world is one’s true self, regardless of any externality, it cannot be
disputed.
―
Atrona Grizel
If someone were
to violate my “rights,” I obviously would not call the authorities, because
doing so would mean acknowledging the existence of the state. Yet for me, the
state does not exist. That is why I try to own as little property as possible.
It is not that I cannot defend my rights; I have simply learned very well how
to live without rights.
―
Atrona Grizel
There is no real
difference between dying at the age of 20 and dying at the age of 80. In fact,
since a living being will eventually die, there is not much difference between
its existence and its non-existence either. It could just as well not exist. When
I take this into account, I gain an immense psychological resilience because I
remember that nothing matters in a positive sense, because in the end there is
not even anything at all.
―
Atrona Grizel
Every book that
is read seriously is a departure from ordinary life by stepping one level above
it. The one who has read the most is no longer even interested in the physical
world, or at least does not place it at the center of their life. Therefore, I
can give this advice to those who wish to remain tied to society no matter
what: do not read.
―
Atrona Grizel
In school,
anything that helps time pass is permissible.
―
Atrona Grizel
A person who
thinks only when they feel like it, that is occasionally, does not think at
all. Because thinking should not be a “hobby” but a habit—more precisely, a
part of one’s nature. One either thinks at all times or never thinks; there is
no in-between, and “sometimes thinking” is equal to not thinking.
―
Atrona Grizel
I did not
collapse, because even collapsing requires feeling at least a little free,
being able to breathe for a moment and thus relax, and I did not have the
luxury of experiencing this. The pain did not cease even for a second, and this
kept me under constant pressure, and in a way that may seem contradictory, this
pressure prevented me from falling apart because I was forced to constantly
watch and control myself. Consequently, collapse was not even a possibility.
Instead, I survived, but I did not choose survival myself, because no other
option was even imaginable. No matter what happened, no matter what I went
through, I was going to continue existing, even if it was for nothing.
―
Atrona Grizel
When interacting
with a child, I never see them as a “child.” If they ask me why the sky looks
blue, instead of saying “because it is the upper version of the sea,” I explain
it to them in the finest detail, deeply and even philosophically, with utter
seriousness. Because is not seeing a child as a child a form of belittling
them? The phrase “you are a child” seems perfectly innocent when read plainly,
but if a person can realize that as soon as it is spoken it also means “you are
insufficient,” this is due to society’s condescending attitude toward children.
Of course I will not expect of them what I expect of an adult, but I will not
treat them as lower than an animal either.
―
Atrona Grizel
A single gear
that refuses to move is enough to render an entire machine inoperable.
―
Atrona Grizel
There are many
people who would not even take a step outside if there were no one beside them,
because they would be afraid of being seen as a “loser.” In fact, it is easy to
leave them alone: since they cannot do anything on their own, once they are
alone, they will remain alone forever unless they reevaluate their values.
Because, due to their emotions being slaves of society—after all, the ones who
make them feel this are not even themselves, but society’s mentality and their
internalization of it—they will not even be able to manage stepping outside.
―
Atrona Grizel
When you are in the
dark, do not look in vain for a flashlight. Be patient, wait a little, and your
eyes will get used to the darkness.
―
Atrona Grizel
The ones who made
me feel a sense of attachment and consolation were not the people around me,
but the writings of philosophers who lived in past eras, in other words, “the
murmurs of corpses.” All the people I admire have died; I feel no such
admiration for anyone who is currently alive. And when I notice this, I feel
that I have been “left behind.” As if I should not have been born in this era,
whether earlier or later.
―
Atrona Grizel
I have always
carried inside me a hidden voice saying, “Perhaps you were the most intelligent
person who ever lived, but also the least recognized and the least known.” It
is not wrong. I was born with a superior inner world—not with supernatural
powers, but with an immense inner richness—and this intelligence of mine
nourished it and turned it into a giant universe crammed into a tiny skull. A
universe that does not spill outward, because it is not allowed to spill
outward, because it was forced to withdraw inward. If my worth had been known,
I could have expressed abundantly this concept called “potential,” which I have
long since stopped believing in, because according to this inner gift of mine,
I would have found myself in authentic environments, surrounded by deep and
real people. Thus the outside world would not be a virus that I constantly try
to purge but a place that would nourish and nurture me, even if only a little.
But like a smart child who is orphaned and alone in a town in Africa filled
with famine and ignorance, I was subjected to the same shallow treatment as my
peers, because society did not even know what to do with me. School, with all
its stereotyped lessons, was never able to stimulate my mind, because I was not
learning anything there anyway; I was already researching on my own every
subject I was passionate about. I spent quite a long period of my life in such
institutions, at the very back row, as “just something in the room.” I always
felt like a scientist forced to socialize with gorillas who think in internet
memes and social media slang. What is ironic is that my family wanted me to
feel ashamed of myself by saying, “Look at your peers and then look at
yourself.” ” This technique works on many other isolated teenagers because they
do not yet possess a strong worldview to shield them from society’s voice, but
it does not work on me because I am not a comparison machine. Since I built my
own world early and did not allow society’s values to determine my worth, what
they said did not make me feel “inferior”—it only made me laugh. Yet no one
clearly knew that I had no friends. The people at school thought I was active
outside of school, and my family thought I was active at school. If they had
found out that I was completely alone, I would have been sent to a psychologist
almost automatically. That is proof of how little they were able to understand
my feelings and thoughts. Through such countless micro-assaults, I realized early
that I was born into a dead civilization. To endure this, I began to mock the
concept of “realizing one’s potential,” and to neutralize the pain it caused
me, I destroyed the value I had given it and redirected that value inward.
Therefore, I managed to find satisfaction even without fulfilling my
“potential.” But of course, I remained an unknown ghost nonetheless.
― Atrona Grizel